


Embracing Technicality

by A_Lesbian_With_Pink_Hair



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Gen, Into Darkness rewrite, M/M, eventual K/S
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-08-11
Packaged: 2017-12-16 10:17:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/860943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Lesbian_With_Pink_Hair/pseuds/A_Lesbian_With_Pink_Hair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.</p><p>An Into Darkness rewrite, without the sexism or whitewashing, now with more shipping than ever before!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, thought I'd try my hand at some Trek fic. Not my first Trek fic, but my first posted to AO3 and my first multi-chapter in years. I was inspired by my hatred for JJ Abrams' mistreatment.
> 
> The opening stanza is written by http://warpthruster.tumblr.com/ and used with her permission.
> 
> Beta'd by my friend/roommate Terry.

_O Captain! My Captain! We will follow you into the dark_

_For you are _our_ captain and your mind is sharp _

_You lead us and take us to new places far away_

_But by your side we are_ _**home** _ _._

\--

It was supposed to be a really quick, easy mission, Jim recalled fleetingly. He was running through the vividly red forest, disguised in some thick, itchy fabric, gripping a scroll, and he had to wonder how he, Captain James Tiberius Kirk, got to that particular place and time.

Well, all right, that’s not entirely true.

Technically, they had already completed their mission- survey Class M planet, designation “Nibiru.” After the completion of the mission, Jim was supposed to make a report of the examination and then return to Starfleet.

But upon surveying Nibiru, Spock had noticed something troubling; the active volcano in the center of the largest continent on this small planet was very volatile and close to erupting. If it were to do so, it would wipe out the entire planet.

Jim had seen the echoes of a haunted look in his First’s eyes; Spock had seen his own planet’s destruction and did not wish to watch that of another. Additionally, the native species of the planet would all be wiped from the universe, and Jim and Spock knew they had to intervene.

Thus the running through an absurdly colored forest on a planet fairly far from Earth, Jim thought. Which brought him back to the present. Well, actually what brought him back to the present was a massive monstrosity that reared up and fucking _roared_ at him.

He whipped out his phaser and stunned the thing, and it toppled to reveal a very disgruntled Doctor McCoy.

“Damn it, man, you just stunned our ride!” Bones exclaimed, looking just as uncomfortable in his disguise as Jim felt in his.

They didn’t have time to argue, however, as the enraged native population was fresh on Jim’s tail.

“Jim, what did you _take!?”_ McCoy demanded as they began to run again.

“I dunno!” the young captain replied. “But they were bowing to it!”

Jim ignored his friend’s bitching and whipped out his communicator without stopping.

“Spock!” he barked into it. “The natives are out of the kill-zone!”

Even in the face of imminent destruction and just before a brief adventure inside a volcano, Spock made sure to take the time to remind Jim of the Prime Directive, as if it hadn’t been drilled into his brain by every professor and commanding officer he’d ever had.

“I HATE THIS!” Bones screamed.

“I KNOW YOU DO!” Jim shouted back.

A few moments later, Sulu commed in to tell Kirk that he was ditching the shuttle and couldn’t pick them up like they’d originally planned. Jim shoved the scroll into a tree and corralled Bones into the ocean.

Bones, predictably, was not very enthusiastic about this development.

Still, the two of them made it back to the Enterprise along with Uhura and Sulu. Scotty met them to complain, which Jim ignored.

“Where is Spock?” he interrupted.

Scotty straightened just slightly. “Still inside the volcano.”

Fucking of course he was.

Jim, Bones, and Scotty hurried to the bridge and quickly Jim asked his lovely communications officer if they had any contact with Spock.

“The heat’s fried his comms, but we’ve still got contact,” Uhura replied, clearly trying to remain calm.

“See if you can get him back online,” Jim ordered.

Within moments (because Uhura was a fucking genius and Jim valued her presence constantly) Spock was talking, sounding perfectly monotonous in that infuriating manner of his. He pissed off Bones enough to warrant a “Shut up, Spock! We’re trying to save you!”

“Spock, nobody knows the rules better than you do,” Jim said, “but there has _got_ to be an exception. This is your _life_ we’re talking about!”

Jim watched the monitor with the clock slowly counting down to the cold fusion reaction and, if he didn’t do something, Spock’s demise. He felt helpless, something he was far too accustomed to and not nearly humble enough to give in to.

This was _Spock,_ the son-of-a-bitch who had tried to court martial him, who threw him off a starship and onto a nearly-deserted winter wasteland of a planet; Spock, who was apparently supposed to be his greatest ally and closest friend, if the Ambassador Spock was to be believed.

(Jim sometimes got glimpses, flashes of memories of a different Spock and a different self. He felt the honey-warm affection that Ambassador Spock had held for Other Jim.)

Kirk shook his head imperceptibly, focusing on the matter at hand.

“Negative,” Spock replied. “There is no other way. The ash cloud concealed the shuttle, but the Enterprise is too large.”

 _Fuck._ Jim pushed panic to the back of his mind.

“The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”

For some reason Jim couldn’t fathom, these words made him both deeply angry and deeply sad.

Spock’s comm shorted out again after that, and Uhura went to work trying to get him back online.

“Bones,” Jim said quietly. “If he were here and I was there, what would he do?”

The doctor didn’t hesitate. “He’d let you die.”

Jim reflected on those leftover memories from Delta Vega and, somehow, he knew that wasn’t quite true at all.

\--

Spock was going to die.

He could tell, looking around the inside of the aggressive volcano. Spock was going to die inside of a volcano on an alien planet attempting to rescue a race of beings who had not yet begun to explore their own world, let alone the universe.

He thought of Nyota and of Kirk and of his own decimated people, and understood that his life was coming to an end.

He looked at the countdown on his cold fusion device, closed his eyes, and held out his arms in meditation. Here, at the end of his life, Spock chose to purge his fear and his sadness.

 _The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one,_ Spock thought to himself. He had to accept his demise, or else he would die alone and terrified, just out of reach of his loved ones.

The heat was suffocating, even inside of his heat-resistant armor, and the fires of the active volcano roared around him.

He was comforted by the knowledge that he had rescued an entire planet teeming with life and possibilities. Nibiru was a young world; Spock would ensure that it had a chance to develop, even at the cost of his own life.

Absurdly, Spock’s mind turned to his mother, and then he felt the familiar warm buzz of a teleporter beam gently bringing him home.

Spock was pleased that he would not die in the volcano.

His vision swam, and then suddenly he was in the transport room. Kirk and McCoy rushed in, still slick with ocean water and sweat.

“Spock!” Jim exclaimed, out of breath, looking so relieved, cheeks flushed and eyes impossibly blue. “Are you all right?”

Spock answered, “Captain! You let them see our ship!”

Jim had violated the Prime Directive just to save his life. An entire planet’s fate was irrevocably altered just for his one existence. It was such an overwhelming concept that Spock had to push it aside for the time being.

The doctor let out an irritated groan and relaxed his body all at once. “He’s _fine,”_ McCoy grumbled, shaking his head.

He heard Nyota’s voice from a comm unit on the wall, inquiring after his welfare, and upon confirmation that Spock was indeed alive and onboard, she stated that the cold fusion device had been a success.

“Congratulations, Spock,” Jim said, grinning incorrigibly at him. “You just saved the world.”

Spock knew, logically, that he was not the sole individual responsible for the relative success of the mission, but he acknowledged experiencing an appreciation of Jim’s praise. Still, Spock also was aware that Jim had broken a vital rule to save him, and set about writing a report on the subject, hoping to shoulder the blame.

\--

Nyota tossed down her earpiece and crossed her arms, glaring at the console as though it were guilty of some hideous offense.

She was _furious,_ of course, but mostly she was hurt.

Spock had been perfectly satisfied with sacrificing his life for the mission; he didn’t offer so much as a “goodbye.”

Uhura knew she was being unfair, really; she understood the Vulcan way and why Spock had done what he did, but it didn’t change how awful she felt knowing that he hadn’t spared her a second thought as he was dying.

As the Enterprise began her journey back to Earth, Uhura’s shift ended and she got up and made her way to her quarters.

A quick shower and change into a clean uniform certainly improved her mood, but only just. Nyota made her way to the room’s wall unit and said, “computer, locate Commander Spock.”

“Commander Spock—currently in First Officer’s quarters,” the computer chimed. “Comm unit is set to _Do Not Disturb_.”

She cursed under her breath in Andorian and turned away from the machine. First he almost died, then he didn’t even think it was important to come see her? To say _anything_ to her?

For the remaining seven hours of their return trip, Spock kept the setting at DND, meaning only the Captain, CMO, or an emergency would be able to reach him. Instead of waiting for him, Uhura went down to the mess hall and sat down with Sulu and Rand, who were talking about the merits of studying plants outside their natural setting.

“Oh, hey Uhura,” Janice paused, greeting her friend. “Feeling better?”

She shrugged, stealing a fry from Sulu’s plate.

“A bit,” she replied. “Still not exactly thrilled about all these near-death experiences.”

“You’re telling me,” Hikaru commiserated. “It’s a miracle no one has died yet.”

Janice smacked the pilot on the shoulder. “Don’t jinx it!” she warned, following Nyota’s example and stealing a few fries of her own.

“Okay, guys, it’s not like there’s no food available—get your own fries,” Sulu grumbled. Uhura cracked a smile, and Rand shook her head.

“You let Chekov steal your fries,” the blonde woman pointed out.

Sulu rolled his eyes. “Boyfriends have fry-stealing privileges. Annoying yeomen don’t.”

Uhura actually laughed; Sulu and Rand had been close friends since the Academy, and it had actually been Janice who had convinced Sulu to ask Chekov on a date after the pilot had admitted his feelings to her not long after the Nero incident. It had been pretty cute, Uhura remembered, since by the time Sulu finally got up the nerve to ask, Chekov had come red-faced and stammered “I-I like you, Hikaru!” before Hikaru could even say anything.

And that had been that, really. The two had been a couple ever since.

“I’m glad we were able to get Commander Spock back on board. Even if we had to… well, bend a rule or two to do it,” Rand offered.

Uhura’s lips twisted into a frown and she nodded her agreement, keeping her anger to herself. It was unprofessional to speak ill of a commanding officer to his subordinates, and Uhura was very professional.

“I’m glad the device worked. We saved an entire planet today,” she replied.

After a little while, Sulu went off to practice his form, and Rand’s next shift started, so Uhura meandered back to her quarters, still reflecting.

 _I do care a lot about Spock,_ she mused. _But he won’t even talk to me right now. He probably hasn’t even realized that I want him to._

She considered stopping by Spock’s room herself, but after the events of the day, he was likely to still be meditating and probably wouldn’t be very happy to be interrupted.

 _Still,_ Uhura thought. _I can’t stand feeling like there’s nothing I can do._

_\--_

After the ship was safely parked in the space dock, the crew began beaming down to Earth for some hard-earned shore leave.  Jim had made a point of learning the names of his entire 430-being crew, and he had just about gotten them all memorized, save for some of the yeomen and engineers that he didn’t see typically.

He was also proud to say that, in the name of professionalism, he hadn’t slept with any of his crew. Kirk knew that, as their commanding officer, crew members might feel obligated to sleep with him if he asked, and so when he took command four months ago, he’d resolved to never put that kind of pressure on anyone on his ship.

Jim, Spock, and Scotty were the last to beam onto the space station dock and board the shuttle back down to San Francisco. They didn’t speak much; Scotty was fiddling with some equations on his PADD, and Spock was not exactly naturally talkative, so Jim closed his eyes and allowed himself to nap for a little while during the short ride to Starfleet HQ. He sat close to spot, secretly very comforted that his Vulcan XO was alive and well.

When they arrived Earthside at 9:36 PST, the first thing Jim did was hurry to his temporary Starfleet housing, dump his duffel bag of civilian clothes on the bed, and hurry to a place he’d frequented while at the Academy, a small bar called The Pinnacle. (Bones had enjoyed referring to it as “The Pinnacle of Jim’s Depravity”, but that hadn’t stopped the good doctor from joining him on many occasions, so Jim figured it couldn’t really be all that bad in the long run.) It didn’t take long for Jim to pick up a set of twins from Zathe VI, two females with feline-like features and tails.

On that particular night, Jim craved the touch of other beings. Bones was always happy to point out that Jim’s tactile, emotional nature had developed poorly under the conditions of his childhood home, and that as a result Jim had been unable to form any real, lasting romantic attachments. Instead, Jim acted cocky and sarcastic and picked up willing participants at bars.

(Jim knew that there was nothing wrong with that, but he’d wondered on more than one occasion what kind of lover he had been in Ambassador Spock’s lifetime. He wondered if he had been so different in that other universe but he tried not to think about it too much, as most of the time he’d rather not know.)

In any case, Jim went to The Pinnacle, picked up the twin Zathean women, and romanced them back to his temporary apartment.

Jim fucked like he captained—unrelentingly, passionately, with great focus on others, and with impeccable care.

When the threesome had finished for a second time, they fell asleep. It seemed like just a few moments before Jim heard his communicator hailing him the following morning. He threw off the covers to grope for the blasted thing, despite the playful protests of his partners of the previous night.

“Sorry, ladies,” he said as he wrestled himself into his dress uniform. “Duty calls.” As he made his way to HQ, he commed Spock to meet him on the way to Pike’s office.

Honestly, Jim knew that as much as he liked sex, the only thing in his life so far that he really _loved_ was the Enterprise, and being her Captain. That said, he also felt a profound sense of peace, knowing that he’d found himself a family on that ship. He was no longer Jimmy from Riverside, with the dead hero father and the absentee mother and the runaway brother and the angry stepdad. He was James Tiberius Kirk, Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise, and he cared for every single person on his ship.

As he was approaching the main campus, he met up with Spock.  Jim felt himself brighten at the sight of his friend, still so relieved he hadn’t lost him.

He reflected back on the mindmeld back on Delta Vega, on memories of a life where he and Spock were inseparable. He knew that world was not this one, but he privately liked to believe that they would get there someday.

“Captain,” Spock greeted him with a nod. He was also dressed in his formal uniform, cap sitting smartly on his head.

“Hey, Spock, how’s your shore leave been?” he asked with a grin, clapping his XO on the shoulder. Spock always looked a little put out when he made that gesture, which of course was why he did it whenever he could get away with it.

“Adequate,” the Vulcan replied. “I have been finishing up paperwork in my Starfleet-appointed housing, and was able to have a very gratifying meditation session last evening.”

“Good, good,” Jim answered, smiling. “So, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I very much doubt it,” Spock answered serenely.

“Come on, Spock, why else would Pike want to see us! It’s obvious they’re gonna give us the five-year mission! I mean, forget seniority, they already gave us the newest ship in the ‘fleet!”

“I can think of a number of other suitable—“

“Spock! Five years in space! That’s uncharted territory!” Jim exclaimed. “Think of how amazing that’s going to be!”

As much as Jim loved his earthly conquests, he loved exploration of the unknown even more. He wanted that five-year mission. It was longer than anyone else had ever been in space, and the possibilities were endless.

And he had the best crew for it, in his opinion—430 of Starfleet’s best and brightest, and the best bridge crew he’d ever have the honor of commanding. Spock, of course, was at the top of that list. Despite all the friction, they were one hell of a team.

They passed a group of cute girls on their way in, and of course Jim took a moment to introduce himself before they hurried into the lift and up to Pike’s office.

“Admiral Pike,” Spock greeted politely, inclining his head. Jim grinned at him and gave him a half-wave.

Pike looked pretty serious, which Jim thought meant he had some serious news. Like, hopefully, the five-year mission, which Jim was pretty excited for.

“So,” Pike began. “I was going over your report of Nabiru. ‘Uneventful,’ isn’t that what you said in your Captain’s log?”

“Yes, sir,” Jim said.

“And what about that volcano? Our initial reports said it was extremely volatile.”

Jim straightened just slightly—probably just enough for Spock to notice, but not Pike. “Well, sir, that’s all relative, isn’t it? I mean, maybe it isn’t as active as our initial reports led us to believe.”

Pike sighed. “Let’s hope not. If that volcano were to explode, it would wipe out the entire planet, isn’t that right?”

“Let’s hope that doesn’t happen,” Jim said.

“Something tells me it won’t.”

_Uh oh._

Jim let his eyes drift over to the Vulcan at his side, but per usual Spock showed no sign of reaction.

“Because according to _Spock’s report,_ you detonated a _cold fusion device inside the volcano and then revealed a starship rising out of the ocean to a native population who has just barely invented the wheel!”_

_Shit._

Jim’s calm demeanor snapped, and he turned towards Spock accusingly.

“You _filed_ a _report!?”_

Spock replied, “I had assumed you would be truthful in your Captain’s log.”

“Yeah, and I would have been if I hadn’t had to save your life!” Jim exclaimed.

“An act for which I am immeasurably grateful,” Spock said, not sounding immeasurably grateful at all. “I was attempting to take responsibility for my actions.”

“That would be so noble, Pointy, if you weren’t also throwing me under the bus.”

“Pointy? Is that a derogatory reference—“

“Enough!” Pike interrupted angrily. “I sent you there to survey a planet, not alter its destiny.”

“Sir,” Spock said, “we _were_ successful in our mission, and no one was hurt.”

“You are basing your analysis on a technicality!” the admiral shouted.

“We Vulcans embrace technicality, sir.”

Pike gaped for a very brief moment. “Are you giving me attitude, Spock?”

“I am expressing multiple attitudes at once. To which are you referring?”

Jim had to stifle a laugh there; when it wasn’t directed at him, Spock’s Vulcan frankness could be pretty snarky, and the young Captain really liked that about his First Officer. In fact, Jim liked that quality in most people.

“You are _dismissed,_ Commander,” Pike said. “ _Now.”_

Spock hesitated, looking over at Jim as though he needed his Captain’s approval. Jim didn’t look at him, upset that Spock had filed a report behind his back _. You don’t fuck over someone who’s saved your damn life_ , Jim thought bitterly.

Realizing he would not be getting acknowledgement, Spock left the room very quickly.

As soon as Spock was out of the room, Pike whirled on Jim.

“Son, do you know what a _pain in my ass_ you are?” Pike asked wearily.

“I think so, sir.”

“Mmm, no, I don’t think you do,” he said.

Pike began lecturing at him about the Prime Directive (and look, okay, Jim understood the reasoning behind it and all, but seriously, _fuck_ the Prime Directive).

 “You’re the one who gave me your ship,” Jim said.

“I gave you my ship,” Pike replied, “because I saw greatness in you. Now I see you don’t have an ounce of humility in you. You’re cocky, think you can’t make mistakes. And one day you’re gonna get yourself and everyone under your command killed.”

“Sir, you know how many crewmen I’ve lost since I took command? Not one!”

“You’re playing _god,_ and you’re using _blind luck_ to justify it!”

 _Playing god?_ Jim didn’t think he had been. (A year later, Jim would know better.) He’d been doing what he thought was right, trying to save lives and protect worlds. Wasn’t that what Pike had wanted from him? Wasn’t that why he’d been enlisted?

Jim continued arguing, not even really listening, until suddenly he was sure time itself stopped.

“You know what Starfleet has to do now, don’t you?” Pike told him. “Admiral Marcus convened a private meeting to which _I was not invited_. Do you know what that means, Jim?”

Jim held his breath.

“They’re taking the Enterprise away from you.”

_No._

_Please, god, please no. Anything but that._

Jim felt his heart sink into his stomach and start to dissolve.

“They’re giving her back to me and sending you back to the Academy.”

Jim was sure that it was the worst moment of his life—that shining future out in the black, the exploration, the five years with his makeshift family in space, suddenly snatched away from him because he couldn’t let Nibiru die and he couldn’t let Spock die.

In the end, it was Jim’s refusal to accept a no-win scenario that had cost him the stars.

\--

Spock couldn’t explain his need to defend Jim before their commanding officer. Not only was it illogical, as facts are meant to speak for themselves, but he also felt a subtle ache when Jim refused to look at him as he left.

He went home and spent his second day of shore leave reading, until his communicator alerted him to an emergency meeting for all commanding teams of starships in the area.

Spock hurried to get dressed in his uniform and caught up with Jim as they entered the lift.

“Captain!” he called.

“Not anymore, Spock,” Jim replied, evidently still upset. “First Officer now. I got demoted, and you got reassigned.”

Spock paused. He felt… disappointment. He genuinely enjoyed working with Jim, despite the man’s penchants for rule-breaking and illogical tactics. He considered Jim a friend, even, and he disliked having him angry.

“It is fortunate that the consequences were not more severe,” he offered, knowing even as he said it how little his words would do to quell Jim’s feelings.

“Yeah, right,” Jim scoffed. “It’s pretty simple. I saved your life, you wrote a report, and I lost my ship.”

 _I have lost mine, too,_ Spock thought. _My ship, with you as Captain and myself as First Officer._

The lift opened, and the captain of the Bradbury greeted them before making his way to the conference table.

“I now see my error in submitting a report without informing you first,” Spock said.

Jim rolled his eyes and then softened. “Look, where I’m from, if someone saves your life you don’t stab them in the back,” he replied. “But you know… I’m kind of gonna miss you.”

Spock was taken aback by that. He privately considered Jim a friend, but Jim thought so as well? He opened his mouth to answer— _I am going to miss you as well_ , or _I am sorry my actions caused you pain,_ or _I am gratified knowing that you consider me a friend..._

Stunned, Spock closed his mouth, unable to answer for fear of sounding emotional, and Jim’s entire expression shifted from one of expectant openness to one of annoyance and disgust as he turned away.

After that, the meeting began. Admiral Marcus detailed what appeared to be a rather violent terrorist act on an archive in London. Spock noted that it was curious for a volatile renegade to target a public records archive. He glanced across the table at Jim, who had a confused expression on his face and was intently studying his screen.

Jim quietly asked Admiral Pike about the item the criminal was carrying in the images.

“Something wrong over there, Chris?” Marcus asked, pausing his diatribe.

“No,” Pike answered. “Kirk here is just… adjusting to his new position.”

Spock looked at Jim, and Jim briefly met his gaze.

“If you’ve got something to say,” Marcus said, “now’s the time.”

“No…” Jim hesitated. Spock had never seen Jim hesitate. “It’s nothing. I apologize.”

“Come on, son, spit it out. Don’t be shy.”

“Well, it’s just… why an archive? That’s a little bit like bombing a library, isn’t it?”

Spock inclined his head in silent agreement. And then, as Jim spoke, Spock came to the exact same realization as his former captain at the exact same moment.

“It is curious that he would steal a ship without warp capabilities,” Spock said.

“He knew we’d all be here… Right now… in this room.” Jim finished, looking at his former XO.

Suddenly, the room began to fill with a red light. Jim and Spock stood up almost simultaneously, looking out the window where the encroaching light source was getting brighter and brighter.

_Well, that cannot be good._

“ _CLEAR THE ROOM!”_ Jim screamed as the conference room erupted into absolute chaos. Glass shattered and flew all over the place, and phaser fire began shooting past Spock, leaving a ringing sound in his sensitive ears. People were screaming, and security rushed in to shoot back at the small ship.

Spock lost track of Jim, but did not worry—while he still believed that a captain cannot cheat death, he was willing to concede that A) Jim might be the exception to that rule, and B) Jim was technically not a captain anymore. Technically.

In the confusion, Spock did his best to pull injured officers to safety while trying to stay behind cover.

He located Admiral Pike, who had apparently been shot in the leg, but as Spock went to reach for his commanding officer, a weapon targeted the man directly over his heart and fired.

_No._

Spock acted almost automatically, grabbing Pike and dragging him around a corner to a cushioned bench. He could tell it was too late: Pike was dying _._ Christopher Pike was not going to live to see his ship’s next mission.

Mechanically, Spock reached for Pike’s psi points, hoping to ease the man’s pain as he passed. He initiated the semi-meld and closed his eyes. First he heard

_Pain confusion help no Kirk have to get have to FURIOUS why is this happening why please help dying no HURTS Enterprise the final frontier mother brother father wife sorry help me HELP why why why I do not understand I cannot breath Jim son Spock there? no yes don’t know EXPLAIN_

_Captain Christopher Pike of the U.S.S. Enterprise stardate NO nO no n o please_

_I don’t want to die!_

and then he heard nothing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The opening stanza is from a poem called "Twilight" by Sbongumusa Thabethe
> 
> Beta'd by my friend/roommate Terry.

_As I think of stars_

_I fall to pieces_

_Because I know_

_The consequences of being called a shooting star._

\--

In the midst of all the chaos, Jim had managed to bring down the ship that was shooting up the conference room.

For a brief moment, he’d met the gaze of the man who’d committed those acts of terror—John Harrison, the criminal who killed 42 people just to get a chance to murder Starfleet’s ranking command teams all at once.

Finally, the ship crashed, but not before Harrison beamed to safety somewhere.

Breathless, Jim made his way back into the wreckage of the room, intending to help the injured.

Then he saw Spock in the corner with Pike.

_First my ship, and now Pike?_ he thought.

He ran over, knowing what the look in Spock’s eyes meant but refusing to believe it.

_This can’t be happening._

He pressed two fingers to Pike’s throat, looking for a pulse, but there was nothing.

He was _gone._

Jim felt his eyes fill with tears and he couldn’t even feel embarrassed about it. Christopher Pike had been the first person to ever believe Jim could do something with his life, the first to challenge him to be better, the first to defend him when he made mistakes.

The first person to think “If anyone deserves a second chance, it’s Jim Kirk.”

And suddenly he was dead.

The tears made tracks down his cheeks, and he leaned on Spock for support. Spock didn’t move, maybe hoping to provide some sort of comfort the only way he truly knew how; by being there.

Jim cried and clutched Spock’s shoulder because a man who’d called him “son” was nothing and it didn’t make any sense. Hadn’t be been in that bar just a little while ago, joking with Jim and telling Jim he wasn’t giving up on him? How could there be so much inside of one body and then suddenly have all of it be _gone?_

_Death is illogical_ , Jim thought bitterly. _And it isn’t fair._

After a few moments, Jim let his hand fall from the Vulcan’s shoulder and numbly walked out of the room.

\--

When he got back to his temporary housing, the alien twins were gone, and he was glad of that. Jim was at a complete loss; he didn’t want to fuck, he didn’t want to fight—he just wanted to sleep and he didn’t want to be alone.

He was used to being alone. Before Starfleet, before the Enterprise, there had been very little; there had been no one; and now he had friends and he couldn’t bear to be alone ever again.

Jim glanced at his communicator and considered calling… who? Bones? Bones was probably fresh off the transport from Georgia and already busy at the hospital treating the injured. Scotty was helping pick apart the wreckage of the small ship, hoping to figure out where Harrison had escaped to.

…Spock?

He considered it, but instead lay down on his bed and fell into a fitful sleep.

\--

Jim woke up to the sound of his communicator.

“ _Captain!”_ the thing shouted in Scotty’s voice. “ _You and the Commander had better get down here! You’re gonna wanna see this!”_

So Jim, who had fallen asleep still mostly dressed, pulled on a pair of shoes and commed Spock, relaying the message.

They met up in the courtyard just near where the ship had crashed. Scotty was waiting, holding a strange-looking device.

“What is that?” Jim asked wearily.

“It’s an interplanetary trans-warp beaming device,” the engineer replied. “My own invention. Starfleet confiscated it, and now a madman is using it to escape from his own crimes!”

“Calm down,” Jim mumbled, looking at the thing apprehensively.

“Can you figure out where Harrison has gone?” Spock asked.

“Already did, sir. And you’re not gonna like it.”

Scotty pressed a few buttons on the thing, and the coordinates came up.

They were coordinates that any ranking Starfleet officer knew well.

Scotty said, “He’s gone to the one place we just can’t go.”

“Fuck,” Jim declared. “That’s… well, fuck.”

Spock silently nodded his agreement with the sentiment.

\--

Jim and Spock wasted no time entering the building and tracking down Admiral Marcus.

“Sir, we know where Harrison is,” Jim exclaimed, “and he’s not on Earth. He’s on Qo’noS.”

Marcus paused and then dismissed the other admirals at his table.

“War with the Klingons is inevitable,” he said. Spock believed this to be a logical conclusion; the Klingons had shown a startling propensity for violence since Starfleet’s first encounter with them, and their primary interest seemed to be expanding their empire.

“Harrison was one of our agents, training to help us fight the Klingons.”

“Well, now he’s a fugitive and I’d like to take him out,” Jim replied simply. Spock’s eyes shifted over to his Captain. Destroy him? Without a fair trial? Was this a human need for vengeance? Vengeance could not function as justice; it was an ineffectual system that only created a cycle of unnecessary deaths. _Vengeance_ , Spock thought, _is illogical_.

“Pike always said you were one of our best and brightest…Chris Pike was the one who convinced you to join Starfleet, wasn’t he?” Marcus asked.

“Yes, sir.”

“Did he ever tell you who convinced _him_ to join?” Marcus paused. “His death is on me, and yours can’t be.”

Then he mentioned the missiles.

Spock mentally balked at them; this was against every regulation, every honor code, every cell in the body of every Starfleet officer.

“I’d like permission to reinstate Spock as my first officer,” Kirk said.

“Granted.”

Spock was a little stunned; did Jim truly value him enough to forgive him his perceived slights? Jim, despite the unhappy friction between them, _wanted_ Spock to be around him, to be by his side in command. Spock felt something warm and confusing in his stomach, and he decided to meditate on that later.

As they were leaving, Spock thanked Jim for asking for his reappointment. The rest could be dealt with at a more appropriate time.

\--

Jim made his way through the earthside shuttle bay to the ship that would take him and the last of his crew up to the Enterprise. Sulu and Chekov had returned from their leave very pleased after a trip to Russia to visit Chekov’s family (and Sulu privately mentioned to Jim how glad he was to be back where it wasn’t freezing cold). Bones had gotten a chance to visit his daughter, and Scotty and Keenser had gotten a chance to visit their favorite bars. Uhura had gotten to visit her aunt and uncle (her parents were off-planet) and everyone was raring to go.

Jim suspected this was because they didn’t all know the details of their latest mission.

Jim was distracted from his musings by the voice of his best friend. “Jim! How come you didn’t come in yesterday?”

“What was yesterday?” he asked.

Bones scowled. “Your medical exam! You were in a firefight! As ship’s doctor, it is my duty to—“

“I’m fine, Bones,” Jim insisted.

Bones grabbed at Jim, making the captain face him. “The _hell_ you are!”

Jim shrugged him off and climbed into the shuttle, seating himself in the first row, a seat away from Spock. Bones sat in the row behind them and began fiddling with his medical kit.

“Captain,” Spock said, “now that I have been reinstated as First Officer, it is my duty to tell you that I strongly object to our new mission parameters.”

Jim groaned internally. “Of course it is.”

“There is no Starfleet regulation that condemns a man to death without a fair trial!”

Jim sighed. He knew, truly, that Spock was right, but he didn’t care about right or wrong at the moment. John Harrison had fucking _murdered_ almost 50 people, including Christopher Pike; Jim wanted the man to suffer for it. He eagerly anticipated firing 71 long-range torpedoes directly at that motherfucker’s head.

“Regulation aside,” Spock continued, “this action is morally wrong.”

 “Well, regulation aside,” Jim replied, “pulling your ass out of that volcano was morally _right_ , and that didn’t earn me much credit, now did it— _Bones get that thing off of my face.”_

McCoy quickly retracted the sensor he’d pressed to Jim’s cheek.

“Excuse me, Captain Kirk?” a sweet, female voice with a British accent asked.

Jim turned to see a petite blonde woman with short hair and a gorgeous smile. _If I hadn’t sworn never to sleep with my crew…_

“My name is Doctor Carol Wallace, I’ve been assigned by Admiral Marcus as your new science officer…” She handed a PADD to Jim, who looked at her credentials.

“Captain, did you request a new science officer?” Spock asked.

“No, but I wish I had… Lieutenant Carol Wallace. Doctor of applied physics. Specializing in advanced weaponry,” Jim read.

“Impressive credentials,” Spock told her.

“Thank you,” she smiled.

“And redundant, now that I am back aboard the Enterprise,” he continued.

“And yet, the more the merrier,” Jim said. “Welcome aboard, Doctor Wallace.” Carol flashed him a winning smile, thanked him, and sat down between himself and Spock, which resulted in a far more pleasant ride than it would have been. Even if he did have to bat Bones away five more times.

\--

When Jim walked out of the shuttle bay and into engineering, he could already hear Scotty complaining loudly about something. He had to order Bones to report to sickbay, which was pretty typical for his mother hen friend.

“What seems to be the problem?” Jim asked wearily.

Scotty explained some problem with the torpedoes that made Jim’s headache even worse.

“Mister Scott raises yet another—“ Spock began, once again attempting to convince Jim not to shoot at Harrison.

“Report to the bridge,” the captain interrupted. He had neither the time nor the energy for so much protest.

Jim and Scotty walked together towards the Warp Core.

“Scotty, I need you to sign for those missiles.”

“Do you know what this is?” Scotty demanded, gesturing at the core.

“Scotty, I don’t have _time_ —“

“Do you know what this is!?” the engineer repeated.

“The warp core.”

Apparently it was more than that, because Scotty started ranting again, and Jim interrupted. They were already _late;_ he bet _Pike_ never experienced this kind of insubordination, because Pike was a better man and a better captain, but he was gone, and Jim was what was left.

“Scotty, these are our orders!”

“That’s what I’m worried about, Captain!” he exclaimed. “You and Admiral Marcus are treating this like, like a military operation. Is that what we are now? Because, _I_ thought we were _explorers!”_

Jim’s patience ran out. “Scotty, I _order you_ to sign for those torpedoes!”

“Right, well, then you leave me no choice—“

“You’re not leaving _me_ much choice—“

“—but to resign—“

“—Scotty—“

“—do you accept my resignation or not!?”

“I do!” Jim shouted.

Scotty froze, looking deeply hurt.

“I… I do accept your resignation, Mister Scott. You are relieved.”

He had never seen Scotty look so serious before as he did now, turning in his PADD. Keenser did the same, looking about as upset as  Jim had ever seen the little alien.

“Jim.” Scotty leaned in, mouth a tight, thin line. “For the love of god, _do not use those torpedoes_.”

Then Scotty let go and, with Keenser at his side, marched off to the shuttle bay for a lonely ride back to Earth.

As he made his way to the lift, Uhura caught up with him.

“Captain,” she said, matching his stride. “I’m so sorry about Pike.”

Jim set his jaw. “We all are,” he replied.

She persisted. “Are you okay?”

They got on the lift together and she hit the button for the bridge, standing at his side as the doors closed.

“I’m fine,” he said. Then, “Actually, not really. Scotty just quit.”

She looked straight ahead but Jim could tell she was surprised and at the very least not happy.

“And your boyfriend keeps second-guessing everything that I do… Sorry, that was inappropriate.”

He sighed deeply, wishing to confide in his communications officer, but not wanting to upset her. “It’s fine,” she answered stiffly.

“Sometimes I just wanna rip the f—the bangs off his head. I don’t know, maybe it’s me—“

“It’s not you.”

_Oh. Well then. Trouble in paradise?_

He uncrossed his arms and looked over at her. Uhura was still looking straight ahead.

“Are you two _fighting?”_ he asked.

Her lips made a straight line. “I’d really rather not talk about it—“

“Oh my _god,_ what is that even _like?”_ Jim exclaimed, happy to be distracted from the situation with Scotty. She shook her head as the lift doors opened to the bridge, where Spock was waiting directly in front of the tubolift. Uhura gave Spock a glare as she brushed past him; he looked confused.

“Ears burning?” Jim teased as he moved past.

\--

Chekov had been surprised to be called back a day early from visiting his parents with Hikaru, but the visit had been pleasant enough, and he was always eager to get back to the stars.

His good mood evaporated when he’d seen the Captain’s message pop up on his PADD.

Christopher Pike had briefly regained the captaincy over the Enterprise, and then had been killed in an attack on Starfleet.

He and Hikaru had read the message together on the shuttle from Russia, and Chekov had leaned into his boyfriend, expressing his sadness over the loss of an excellent commanding officer.

“What do you think happened?” Hikaru had asked with a frown.

“I do not know,” Pavel had replied, “but I do not sink eet is wery good at all.”

Chekov was just checking their coordinates and flight plan when the Captain stormed onto the bridge, looking aggravated.

“Keptin on ze bridge,” Chekov shouted instinctively, barely looking up until Jim got his attention.

“Chekov,” Kirk said shortly. “You’ve been following Scotty, right? Training down in engineering? You know all the ins and outs?”

“Aye, sir.”

“Great. You’re the new chief engineer. Go put on a red shirt.”

Chekov felt his heart drop into his stomach; there was a huge difference between watching Mr. Scott run the engines and doing it all on his own.

“A-aye sir,” the young Russian officer answered. He caught Hikaru’s eyes worriedly, and Sulu leaned over.

“You’re going to do great,” he promised, pressing a quick kiss to Chekov’s cheek before turning back to his console.

Chekov walked sadly off the bridge, grabbing one last glance at his boyfriend before the turbolift doors slid shut.

He stopped off with the Quartermaster to switch uniform shirts before making his way down to Engineering.

“Hello, eweryone,” he greeted nervously. “Ze Keptin has reassigned me to temporary head of engineering. Please direct all questions and problems to me. I hope I can count on you all.”

The engineering officers greeted him warmly before resuming work, and Chekov internally sighed, relieved.

“ _Attention crew,”_ he heard Jim say over the intercom. _“This is Captain Kirk. As many of you know, 48 hours ago, this ship’s former captain and our friend Christopher Pike was killed in action. We have been assigned to find the man responsible. … _I will personally lead a landing party to the abandoned city on the surface of Qo’noS. There we will capture the fugitive John Harrison and return him to Earth so he can face judgment for his actions._ Let’s go get this son of a bitch. Kirk out.”_

Chekov briefly contemplated whether or not the captain should use language like “son of a bitch” on the shipwide intercom, but was distracted by a comm from the man himself.

“ _Chekov, are we ready to go?”_

“Warp awailable at your command, Keptin,” Chekov replied. “All systems nominal.”

“ _Great. Let’s take her out_.”

Chekov felt happy, knowing that with Hikaru at the helm and himself down in engineering, they were flying the ship they loved so much together.

He made adjustments at a nearby engineering console as his boyfriend pulled away from the space dock and jumped to warp. The engines hummed, filling the entire room with a gentle roar. Engineers scurried around, checking gauges and strapping down loose tools, tapping PADDS and access console screens with grease-stained fingers.

It wasn’t navigating, Chekov thought, but it also wasn’t bad.

They had been cruising through warp comfortably for about two hours when an error message popped up on Chekov’s PADD and console at the same time.

**ERROR: Engineering Malfunction #CL8367E12**

**POSSIBLE COOLANT LEAK**

**WARP CAPABILITIES COMPROMISED**

Chekov paled, shouted a curse in Russian, and lunged for the emergency warp stop. He typed in his verification code and yanked the lever, bringing the ship to an abrupt halt on the edge of Klingon space and sending himself and his crew lurching to the floor.

\--

Carol very privately congratulated herself on successfully sneaking about the Enterprise as she examined the torpedoes. There was certainly something off about them, but she couldn’t tell what, as the power cells on them were live.

She tapped a few keys on her PADD and looked at the schematics she’d scanned in. There was a lot of detailing missing from the files for reasons she couldn’t explain and couldn’t get her father to explain.

_Why would 71 classified and highly destructive torpedoes disappear for six months and then turn up on the flagship of Starfleet itself?_ Carol wondered, frowning at the things as if they could give her the answer.

“What are you doing?”

Carol gasped and turned quickly to see Mr. Spock, the first officer and chief science officer of the ship.

“Oh! Mr. Spock!” she began. “You startled me—“

“What are you doing on this ship? There is no record of you being assigned to the Enterprise.”

_Oh, shit,_ she thought, putting on her sweetest smile.

“There must be some kind of mistake,” Carol tried, knowing that while she could fool a human, she couldn’t fool a Vulcan.

“There is no mistake,” Spock said matter-of-factly. “Wallace is your mother’s maiden name. Your name is Doctor Carol Marcus, presumably Admiral Marcus’ daughter. I do not know what you are doing on this ship, or why you have concealed your true identity, but I intend to find out.”

_Fuck. Not good._

“Sir, please, promise me you won’t—“

And then the ship just _stopped._ Like a dead halt out of warp, sending her and Spock and several other nearby crewmen to the floor.

“What was that!?” she exclaimed, losing her calm.

“I am unsure,” Spock answered. “Are you injured?”

“No.”

“Excellent. Remain here. I must return to the bridge, but we are not finished here,” he warned, getting up and gliding away as quickly as he’d appeared.

Carol picked herself up and dusted off her uniform.

“That could have gone better,” she mumbled, glaring at the torpedo like Spock had been its fault. With a sigh, Carol turned back to what she’d been doing. If Spock was going to go tell Captain Kirk that she was a stowaway, she figured that with his Vulcan efficiency, she didn’t have long left before she got sent to the brig.

\--

“Mister Chekov, did you break my ship!?” Jim shouted into the comm.

Apparently, Chekov had dropped them out of warp due to some sort of malfunction. He’d sounded very upset over the comm, and attempted to take responsibility (even though Sulu knew it wasn’t Pavel’s fault) but Jim had not let him do so.

“Okay, Sulu, you’re acting captain while we’re gone,” Kirk told him. “When we’re away, I want you to broadcast a message to Harrison. Tell him we’ve got a ship full of torpedoes. Let him know we mean business.”

“Um.” Sulu glanced at the Chair nervously.

“Okay?”

“It’s just… I’ve never sat in the Chair before,” he finished lamely.

“Don’t worry. If you need anything, just ask Yeoman Rand. You’re gonna do great.” Jim gave him a quick smile, stopped to privately say something to Dr. McCoy, and then turned to Spock and Uhura.

“Uhura,” Jim said. “How’s your Klingon?”

“It’s rusty, but it’s good,” she replied. _Naturally,_ Sulu thought admiringly. His friend was good at everything.

“All right. I want you on the away team.” Kirk looked at Uhura and Spock, “Is you two working together gonna be a problem?”

“Absolutely not,” she said, giving her boyfriend a pointed glare before marching off to the shuttle bay. Sulu looked over at Janice, who shrugged without looking up from her PADD.

Spock tilted his head. “Unclear,” he quipped. Jim shook his head, and then they were off as well.

Sulu got up from his station cautiously. Officer Darwin, filling in for Pavel, gave him an encouraging smile, and he returned it half-heartedly before sitting down gingerly in the captain’s chair.

“You’ve got this,” McCoy said from his right, not looking like he believed Sulu had much of anything.

Hikaru watched the screen document the small unmarked ship’s journey from the shuttle bay to Qo’noS, and then he nodded to Jodi, the young girl manning the communications chair.

“Attention John Harrison,” Sulu said, speaking without overthinking it too much. “This is Captain Hikaru Sulu of the U.S.S. Enterprise.”

He rolled his shoulders back, getting into it a bit. “A shuttle of highly trained officers is on its way to your location. If you do not surrender to them immediately, I will unleash the entire payload of advanced long-range torpedoes currently locked on to your location.”

Sulu sat up straighter. “You have two minutes to confirm your compliance. Refusal to do so will result in your obliteration. If you test me,” he said dangerously, “you will _fail.”_

He cut the comm link and leaned back minutely in the chair.

“Mister Sulu,” Doctor McCoy said. “Remind me never to piss you off.”

Janice let out a sharp laugh and Sulu just smirked.

\--

Uhura was angry. Spock hadn’t spoken to her at all about the Nibiru incident, and he seemed to be completely okay after having been in a damn firefight.

“I calculate the likelihood that Harrison will attempt to kill us to be around 90.3%,” she heard Spock say, forcing her out of her angry reverie.

“Well, it’s a good thing you don’t care about dying,” she snapped.

“Excuse me?” he said. “I did not hear what—“

“Oh, I didn’t say anything,” Uhura said. She knew she was being kind of petty and unfair, but wasn’t he being unfair too? “Actually, I’d be willing to talk about it if you’d be willing to listen.”

“I would prefer to have this conversation in private.”

“No,” she said, “ _You’d_ prefer not to have this conversation at all.”

Uhura heard Jim groan. “Guys, are you really gonna do this _now?”_

And yeah, okay, this wasn’t the best place to have this talk, Jim was right—it was unprofessional. But Spock had been avoiding her, and now he couldn’t leave; he had to stay where he was and _communicate_ , how many chances like this was Uhura going to have?

“Back on Nibiru—I’m sorry, Captain, this will just take two seconds—when you were dying in that volcano. You didn’t give any thought to _us._ What it would do to me. If you died.” She felt herself getting upset and willed herself to be calmer. Logical. “You didn’t _care_.”

She sensed Jim contemplating banging his head against his console.

“I’m not the only one that’s upset with you. The Captain agrees with me,” Uhura continued.

“Hey! Don’t bring me into this!”  Jim exclaimed. “…she is right though.”

Spock said, “You are incorrect. I place great value on my own welfare. The most logical way to be productive is to live a long and prosperous life.”

She huffed. “Well, that’s great.”

“Not exactly a love song, Spock,” Jim commented.

Spock sounded frustrated. Well, as frustrated as he could sound. “You misunderstand,” he said. “Nyota. As Admiral Pike was dying, I joined with his consciousness at the time of his passing. I experienced the things he felt—anger, sadness, confusion… loneliness. I felt all of those things greatly magnified upon the destruction of Vulcan. I vowed never feel that way again. As I was down in that volcano, I chose not to feel those things upon my seemingly imminent death.”

Nyota took a deep breath. She’d been unfair, and she knew it. She had tried to get something from Spock that he couldn’t give her, and that wasn’t right. He was a Vulcan. She knew what Vulcans were like, and she owed him an apology.

“Nyota, you mistake my choice not to feel as a reflection of my not caring. The truth is precisely the opposite.”

She was turning to give him a soft, apologetic smile when suddenly something slammed into the ship.

“Fuck,” Kirk said. “We’re under fire. You said this planet was uninhabited!”

“It must be a random patrol!” she exclaimed, turning all of her attention to the console.

“This ship has no offensive capabilities,” Spock warned.

“It has me. Give me all six power cells,” the captain ordered.

“Aye, sir.”

The tiny unmarked ship bobbed and weaved through the air, dodging debris and fire from the Klingons.

Upon direct contact, the whole ship lurched hard, and one of the crewmen in the back gave a shout as Jim spun the ship out of harm’s way.

“We cannot fight them!” Spock said loudly.

Jim exclaimed, “Then we’ll lose ‘em.” He spun the ship sideways and aimed for a narrow gap between two large structures that might have been skyscrapers at some point in the past.

Spock actually shouted, “This ship will not fit!”

“We’ll fit!”

Uhura screamed as Jim slipped into the gap, the top and bottom of the ship scraping against the desolate buildings.

“We’ll fit, we’ll fit, we’ll _fit!”_

Finally the ship emerged relatively unscathed, and Kirk righted it as he panted for air.

“Told you we’d fit!” he sighed.

Spock shook his head. “I am not sure that qualifies.”

“I think we lost them,” Jim added. But, of course, they hadn’t. There was a whole squadron on the other side waiting, and they all shined their harsh bright searchlights on their tiny shuttle.

Jim calculated their options in his head as the Klingon’s squadron leader began shouting.

“They want us to land,” Uhura said, translating. “If we land and come out fighting they’re gonna capture us, torture us, and then they’re gonna kill us.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Nyota heard him say softly. She unbuckled her seatbelt and stood up.

“Captain,” she said. “We’re outnumbered, outgunned, and if we come out shooting, they’ll kill us.”

“Then what do you suggest we do?” he asked.

“You brought me here to speak Klingon,” Nyota replied. “So _let me speak Klingon.”_

That was enough for Jim, apparently. He landed the ship and opened the hatch.

She made her way across the gap between the shuttle and the squad leader. Even through his helmet she could feel his glare, his distaste for her humanity. She could see it in the lines of his body and the tilt of his head.

“ _I am here to help you,”_ she said in Klingon, not wavering. He took a menacing step forward. She added, _“With respect.”_

He looked curious, she thought. The leader removed his helmet, revealing his ridge piercings and blue eyes to rival the Captain’s.

“ _We are here to catch a criminal. He has killed many of our people.”_

_“What do we care for humans killing humans?”_ he asked.

She squared her shoulders. “ _Because you care about honor. And he has none. We know he is hiding here. Your people are in danger.”_

The alien contemplated Uhura for a minute before extending out a large hand and picking her up by her throat. She struggled, kicking out, and suddenly phaser fire began flying. In the chaos, she managed to grab hold of the Klingon’s knife, jamming it into his knee. She grabbed a gun and began to fire.

\--

Spock darted quickly into the chaos, unsure of who it was that had fired first.

A Klingon suddenly pinned Jim, and Spock caught a shout in his throat as he lined up a rescuing shot, but the third shooting party was faster—a high-energy phaser cannon ripped through the offending Klingon like scissors through paper, leaving Jim completely unharmed.

Kirk met Spock’s gaze in confusion, and then they saw him—John Harrison, the terrorist, the criminal, wielding a small rifle and a huge cannon with practiced ease.

They watched in awe and horror as he leapt down from a high ledge, slaying Klingons left and right, never stopping to calculate—just knowing instinctively the best way to kill.

_Fascinating._

Out of the corner of his eye, Spock saw that Jim was down and Nyota was at his side; the other two crewmen were securing the now Klingon-free area. Spock kept a careful eye on the two people he cared about most (and when had that happened? Spock decided to deal with that acknowledgement later) and raised his rifle to point at John Harrison.

“Lower your weapons and surrender,” he ordered.

“ _How many missiles?_ ” the man shouted, ignoring him.

“Lower your—“ Spock began again, but without even looking, Harrison shot the weapon out of his hands.

“In your message—the missiles you threatened me with, how many are there?”

Spock looked over at Jim and Nyota, both stony-faced, and then turned back to Harrison. “Seventy-one.”

A strange look that Spock did not understand passed over his face, and he dropped both guns.

“I surrender,” he said, raising his hands above his head.

Spock picked up his rifle again and aimed it at the terrorist as the Captain pulled himself to his feet. Jim walked up to Harrison. Spock had a feeling he knew what was about to happen; the lines of Jim’s body were drawn tight with barely-contained rage, terrifying and vast.

“On behalf of Admiral Christopher Pike, who _you killed,_ I accept your surrender,” Jim said. Then he turned away and swung back with his fist, connecting soundly with Harrison’s face.

But Harrison was not hurt. He did not even flinch. The lack of a reaction only enraged Jim more, so he continued his attack, punching and punching in an attack fierce enough to knock any normal human to the ground bleeding.

“CAPTAIN!” Nyota shouted, bringing Jim back to his senses. He stopped the onslaught, panting and looking somehow resigned.

Harrison smirked ever-so-slightly. “ _Captain?_ ” he asked.

Jim straightened and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Cuff him!” he barked, walking back towards the shuttle.

Spock kept the rifle aimed at Harrison as the two other crewman came over and slapped the handcuffs on him. Nyota ran ahead to the ship with Jim. Spock gestured in that direction with his head.

_“Mister Spock,”_ Sulu said over his comm. “ _Did you get him?”_

Spock sighed. “Yes, Mister Sulu. We have him in custody.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, you should start to see some very detectable changes rather than just subtle hints. This chapter's stanza is from the poem "Spaced Dutchman" by Luann Pfost.
    
    
      _How far he travels in search of gold_
    
    
    
      _Wrinkles line his star-tanned face_
    
    
    
      _Shouting ‘I AM THE ADVENTURER’ bold_
    
    
    
      _no echos resound in space_
    
    
    
      _Silence answers; he is alone_
    
    
    
      _darkness whispers its tragedy_
    
    
    
      _the tanned faced turns to bone_
    
    
    
      _an endless voyage on an endless sea._
    
    
    
      
    

\--

Spock accompanied Jim to the brig, along with Doctor McCoy.  McCoy moved the cell wall glass apparatus and asked Harrison to hold out his arm for a blood sample. The man complied.

“Why aren’t we moving, _Captain?_ ” he asked. He said the word almost sarcastically, as though mocking Jim. Spock did not like that; Jim was deserving of respect. “An unexpected engine malfunction, possibly in the warp core?”

“How the hell did you know that?” McCoy blurted, looking surprised.

“Bones!” Jim admonished.

“I have information that could be helpful to you, Captain Kirk,” Harrison said. Spock immediately felt like pulling Jim behind him to guard him; he quenched this urge like any other, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that they were dealing with someone they could not control. Harrison was like a caged beast—dangerous, even when imprisoned.

“Oh yeah? Give me one good reason why I should believe you,” Jim said.

Harrison tilted his head, snakelike. Spock shivered minutely. “I can give you seventy-one,” he said. “They’re in your cargo hold. They’ve been there all along. And you know who put them there.”

Jim looked contemplative. Spock did not think he liked that look very much.

“Captain,” he said quietly. “I believe he will only attempt to manipulate you. I do not advise speaking with him further.”

“Just give me two minutes.”

 _Two minutes is just enough time for everything to go horribly wrong,_ Spock thought. Unwilling to leave his captain alone with Harrison, he waited and listened just in case.

Harrison, naturally, said something inflammatory and Jim began to shout.

“Let me explain what is happening here. You are a _criminal._ I watched you _MURDER_ innocent men and women. I was authorized to _end you,”_ the captain boomed. “And the _only reason_ you are still alive is because _I am allowing it._ Now _shut. Your. Mouth.”_

Spock shook his head and decided that Jim might be fine on his own. He remembered he still had to resolve the issue with Doctor Carol Marcus, and then meditate on the apparent jealousy her appearance had initially triggered.

Spock decided to wait until a more logical moment to inform the captain of these particular facts.

\--

Back on the bridge, McCoy was doing what he did best: lecturing Jim on a matter that was none of the good doctor’s business.

“So, what, we’re gonna pop open a torpedo because a madman in the brig dared you to?”

“The doctor has a point, Captain,” Spock said regretfully.

“Don’t agree with me, Spock, it makes me uncomfortable,” the doctor said. Spock resisted the human urge to roll his eyes. Doctor McCoy could be very… emotional. It was not exceedingly pleasant for Spock.

“Look, I think a weapons specialist could get it open safely,” Jim continued.

“What about Admiral Marcus’ daughter?”

“Who?”

“Doctor Carol Marcus, your new science officer,” Spock said. “She came aboard this ship using the fake name of Carol Wallace.”

Jim looked incredulous. “And… when were you going to tell me _that?_ ”

“When it became relevant,” Spock replied helpfully. “As it just did.”

Technically, Spock had done the logical thing and presented information when it became useful, and not before, so he allowed himself to enjoy Jim’s frustrated shouts as he ran to the turbolift.

\--

“ _Thanks again for helping out, Bones. Doctor Marcus requested the steadiest hands on the ship._ ”

Bones grumbled into his comm as he carried Carol’s gear off the shuttle.  “You know, when I dreamed of being alone on a planet with a gorgeous woman, there _was no torpedo!_ ”  he griped.

“ _Bones, you’re there to help, not to flirt.”_

Leonard wholeheartedly ignored his best friend’s annoying voice. He was a _doctor,_ not a _weapons specialist!_ He followed Carol off the shuttle and put the heavy box down beside the missile.

“So, Doctor Marcus, how can these legendary hands help you today?” he asked, ignoring Jim’s warning shout of “ _Bones!”_ right in his ear.

Carol smiled beautifully at him, lighting up her face. Then she knelt down beside the torpedo with a scanner she’d pulled from the box.

“We’re going to disarm a torpedo today!” she said cheerfully. “In order to open it up, we need to take out the ignition source and warhead. Now, the warheads on these torpedoes are live—so it’s going to be a little dangerous.”

“Dangerous? Sweetheart, I once performed an emergency C-section on a pregnant gorn! Octuplets. Lemme tell you, those little bastards bite! I think I can work some magic on your missile.”

She laughed and handed him some clippers. Then she used her binocular scanner to check out the inside. “Doctor McCoy,” she said, handing him cutters. “There are 25 fiber-optic cables lined up in there. I need you to cut the twenty-third one down without touching any of the others.”

“No problem.”

“Good luck.”

He carefully counted his way down the wires until he reached the twenty-third, and then snipped it.

“That wasn’t so h—“

Then the door clamped shut on his arm. He dropped the clippers into the wirings and tried to pull his hand out. A countdown began on the screen.

“ _What’s happening down there? Doctor Marcus?”_ Jim’s voice came from her comm as she frantically pushed buttons on the console, keying in commands that weren’t obeyed. _“Can we beam them out of there?”_ he heard Jim ask.

“ _Negative,”_ Spock replied. _“The transporter cannot differentiate Doctor McCoy from the torpedo. It is impossible to beam one back without the other.”_

“Jim!” Bones shouted, watching in panic as Carol ran around to the other side of the torpedo to pull open the warhead. “Get her out of here!”

“No!” Carol argued, prying open a small compartment. “If you beam me back, he dies! Just _let me do this!”_

Bones watched her counting wires, looked at the screen with only three seconds left to detonation.

“Oh, _SHIT_!” she exclaimed, grabbing onto something inside the torpedo and yanking it out, falling onto her back with the effort.

The countdown stopped, disarmed, and released Leonard’s arm. Then the top of the torpedo slid open with a pneumatic hiss.

Bones and Carol staggered over to look at what was inside.

“ _What’s going on down there? Bones?_ ”

Bones scrambled for his communicator and brought it up to his mouth.

“Jim… you’re gonna wanna see this.”

It was a _person._ In a cryotube. There was a human being, frozen in time, hidden inside of the torpedo, and that meant that most likely there were people frozen inside all of them.

“What in the hell is this…?” Bones asked quietly.

“I… I don’t know…” she replied. “Wait. It says something on the side. A serial number and a ship name.”

“What’s the ship name?” he said.

“ _Botany Bay_.”

\--

Jim, Carol, Spock, and Bones looked at the cryotube very carefully.

Jim said, “So they’re all full of—“

“Seventy-one perfectly preserved human popsicles, yep,” Bones answered. “Anyway, the technology is beyond me.”

“How much more advanced is it?”

“It’s not more advanced,” Carol said. “These tubes are ancient. Three hundred years, easily.”

“From the 1990s?” Jim asked. “From during the Eugenics War?”

Carol nodded, looking apprehensively at the tube. Every being in the Federation knew about the War.

“Spock, did you find anything about the Botany Bay?” Jim said.

“Affirmative, Captain,” Spock replied. “The SS Botany Bay was stolen towards the end of the Eugenics war by a small group of the eugenically advanced humans intended for the death sentence, having being tried and found guilty for war crimes. After the ship’s unplanned launch, neither the ship nor its illegal crew were ever heard from again.”

“Until now,” the captain finished.

“Yes.”

“Well then, Spock, I think it’s time we had another chat with our guest.”

Jim and Spock quickly made their way to the brig and walked right up to the glass.

“Why are there people in those torpedoes?” Jim demanded.  “Who the hell are you?”

“All of those tubes are full of men and women, Captain.  I put them there. Surely by now you’ve figured it out,” the criminal responded.

Spock said, “The tubes are attributed to the SS Botany Bay. Presumably you were a member of its crew of superhumans. You are a war criminal who destroys those he deems inferior. You are still a murderer, but now we know of past crimes you have committed in addition to those done during the past few days in London.”

“What we don’t know,” Jim said, “is why the Botany Bay crew is frozen in torpedoes on my ship, or why you’ve been running around wreaking havoc.”

Harrison looked pleased. It wasn’t a look Jim liked seeing on the man’s face.

“Very _good_ , Captain, well done,” he said. “But perhaps that’s just history’s view of it.”

“Those are the _facts,_ Mister Harrison,” Spock said.

“Facts? Then allow me to share a few more with you,” Harrison said. “I am here because your Admiral Marcus brought me here.”

“Bullshit,” Jim frowned.

“No.  It is the truth. After the attack on Vulcan, and its subsequent destruction, Marcus realized that he needed a little assistance to fulfill his dream of a militarized Starfleet to combat what he calls ‘the inevitable war.’ He needed a warrior’s mind. He woke another before me, needed that mind, but he could not contain it. So he woke me instead. He needed my mind. He sought out my ship because he knew that we are superior. I am… _better_.”

 “Better at what?” Jim asked.

“ _Everything_.”

Spock looked over at Jim, and Jim could have sworn his XO looked nervous.

“Marcus could not control the one he woke first, so instead he imprisoned him and woke me. He used that man and all the others from my crew to control me.”

 “He needed you for your strength,” Spock  said.

“No. No, strength alone does not win wars. He needed my _savagery_. Surely _you_ understand, Mister Spock, with all your _control_ and your _suppression_. Strength alone means nothing. _You_ cannot even break a _rule._ How can you be expected to _break bone?”_

He paused for a moment, watching Spock for a reaction. He did not get one, so he continued.

“I attempted to protect my crew by hiding them in the weapons I had designed,” he continued sadly. “I tried to smuggle them out so I could go back for the last man, but Marcus hid them. He took what I hold most dear and used them against me. My crew is my _family,_ Captain Kirk.” He took a breath, composing himself. “Is there anything you would not do for your family?”

Jim glanced over at Spock. _Family._ His crew was his family, too. Uhura, Scotty (onboard or not, Scotty was part of the crew), Bones, Chekov, Sulu, Rand, Chapel—all of them were his family. Spock was his family. (And something more. Jim didn’t know what yet, but it was something different, just like the other Spock had said. It felt important and overpowering and electric.) Jim would gladly face anything to protect any one of the 430 crew members on his ship.

“So, say I did believe all this. Why would Admiral Marcus want to start a war with the Klingons?” Jim asked.

Harrison tilted his head and turned around again.

“23, 17, 46, 11.”

“What’s that?”

“Proof of what I say. Proof for why I need to go back for Marcus’ prisoner.”

“Why is it so important to go back for that last man?”

“He is better than all the rest. Our leader. I am his second in command.”

“Tell me who he is.”

Harrison laughed, just once, maniacally. “Oh, Captain,” he purred.  “You think your world is safe. It is an illusion. A comforting lie you tell yourselves so you can sleep soundly in your beds. I know better, though. You do, too. Marcus knew. _He_ was too dangerous to keep on Earth, so Marcus keeps him imprisoned close by.”

“What. Is. His. Name.”

Harrison seemed reptilian when he spoke. It made Jim take a step back.

“His name is _Khan Noonien Singh_.”

\--

Scotty was sitting with Keenser in the tiny San Francisco bar when his comm hailed him.

“Scott here,” he said, mouth half full of chips.

“ _Scotty? It’s Jim. I need a favor.”_

“Weeeeell, if it isn’t Captain James Tiberius Perfect Hair!” Scotty snipped. He leaned over to Keenser, gloating. “Did you hear that? I called him Perfect Hair.”

“ _Scotty, listen, I need you to—“_

“Ohhhh, you need me now? “

_“—to take down some coordinates. 23, 17, 46, 11. Do you have a pen?”_

“What, you think I can’t remember a set of coordinates! ?” Scotty interrupted. Keenser gave him a look across the table like _You’re drunk and you need to write this down._ Scotty scowled at him and then sheepishly said, “Erm, what was the third one again?”

“ _46\. When you get there, let me know what you find.”_

“I’m not so sure I’m going to help you, Mister!” Scotty said, even as he started planning on borrowing a Starfleet shuttle. “I’m going to consider this an apology. And I will consider that apology!”

He heard Jim laugh and then he said, “ _Hey, you’re the one who quit!”_

“You made me quit!” Scotty exclaimed, snapping the communicator shut. He looked across the table at Keenser. “I am not doing that man _any_ favors.”

Keenser blinked. _Yes you are._

“No!” Scotty insisted. Keenser kept staring.

“Och, all right then, come on!” He grabbed his jacket, swiped his credit chip through the reader, and rushed out of the bar.

\--

“I want Harrison moved to sickbay,” Jim told the on-duty lieutenant. “Put six guards on him.”

“Aye, Captain,” vi said. Vi stood up and pressed a few buttons, calling a security team to the brig.

That taken care of, Jim made his way up to the bridge with Spock at his side. That was how he was most comfortable—in control of the situation. with Spock there to advise him. He wouldn’t admit it to the Vulcan, but despite everything, he trusted the man with his life.

“Mister Spock,” Jim said, “what do you make of this?”

Spock pondered a moment. “It is difficult to say, Captain. Assuming Harrison is telling the truth, I would think that Admiral Marcus has Harrison with him. In any case, I deem him untrustworthy and possibly delusional with regards to his commander.”

Jim nodded, contemplating.

“Captain on the bridge,” Officer Darwin called from the navigator’s seat as they entered. Jim sat down in his chair. He was turning to say something to Spock when Sulu noticed something.

“Captain,” the pilot said, “there is a ship approaching. A big one.”

“Klingon?” he asked quickly.

“I don’t think so, sir. It’s not coming from Qo’noS. It’s coming from—“

Suddenly, a ship dropped out of warp immediately in front of the Enterprise. It was at least four times her size, could probably swallow her whole. It was black and hulking, and it blotted out the stars. On the front, it said _USS Vengeance._

“Shields up,” Jim commanded.

“Sir, we’re being hailed,” Uhura told him.

“On screen.”

It was Admiral Marcus. And immediately,  Jim knew that could only mean one very terrible thing: Harrison had been telling the truth.

\--

Scotty crept around the cargo holds of the massive ship, unable to understand why anyone would build such a monstrosity of a spacecraft.

The intercom suddenly came to life, startling the man out of his hiding spot.

“ _Admiral Marcus! It’s good to see you,_ ” Jim said. _“I’ve been expecting you.”_

_“I don’t take your meaning.”_

_“You got our message, didn’t you? You’re here to help us fix the warp core.”_

Scotty frowned at the intercom. _What the ever-loving hell is wrong with my beautiful lady’s warp core? I knew it. I told him. I fucking knew it. I was right._ He felt smug, but there was no time to gloat.

_“Imagine my surprise—I send you to kill Harrison, and then I find out he’s still alive? Where is he, anyway?”_

Jim paused.

“ _He told us about Khan.”_

 _“…well, shit. You talked to him.”_ The voice (apparently Admiral Marcus) continued, _“Son, I took a risk waking him and his commander up. It was a mistake. So please, give him to me and let me fix it. Tell me where he is.”_

 _“… he’s in engineering,_ ” Jim finally said. _“but I’ll have him moved to the transporter room.”_

_“No need, son. I’ll take it from here.”_

After a few moments, Scotty felt the massive ship go into warp and begin firing. He guessed that Jim had tried to run, but Scotty had already figured out the warp capabilities of the ship he was stuck on, and he realized pretty quickly that Marcus was going to destroy the Enterprise and her entire crew unless he intervened.

He ignored it as the ship stuttered out of warp and found himself a computer terminal.

_“Wait! Dad, stop, it’s me, Carol!”_

The shooting stopped, but Scotty did not. He hadn’t known Admiral Marcus had a daughter, but she must have been telling the truth, because the pause in phaser fire allowed him to get into the system. So Scotty decided that whoever she was, he liked her.

_“Carol? What are you doing on that ship?”_

_“I heard what you said, and… Dad, I don’t believe the man who raised me is really capable of killing a whole ship full of innocent people! And… if I’m wrong, then you’re going to have to kill me along with them.”_

There was a pause; even Scotty stopped to listen.

_“Actually, no, I don’t.”_

Scotty heard her scream and then saw the transport indicator flash. Marcus had beamed her aboard against her will.

 _“Now, then,”_ Marcus continued. _“Kirk, you have acted in direct violation of a Starfleet commanding officer. You went rogue in enemy territory. That’s a punishable offense, and now you’re going to pay for it_.”

Scotty heard the phaser banks warming up again and began to type frantically, looking for the kill switch.

 _Come on, come on, please hurry up_ , he thought. _Please let me save my friends._

**Access Granted: Full System Reboot Commencing**

_“Wait! Please, sir, wait!”_  Jim exclaimed. _“Please, you can do whatever you want to me, but my crew… they were just following my orders. I take full responsibility. Just let them live. Please.”_

 _“That’s one hell of an apology, Kirk,”_ Marcus answered. _“Well, if it’s any consolation, I was never going to spare your crew. Fire when ready.”_

 _Oh, no you don’t!_ Scotty thought, pressing the master reset. All at once, the warp core went down, the phaser banks stopped, and the computer system on the entire USS Vengeance crashed into silence.

He whipped out his communicator and flipped it open. “Everyone all right over there?” he exclaimed. “You’ll never guess what I found behind Jupiter!”

“ _Scotty! You’re on that ship!”_ Jim’s voice came, absolutely delighted.

“Aye, and I’d like to get off of it soon. Can you beam me over?”

_“Uh, no, our transporters are down.”_

_Oh, what the hell did they do to my beautiful lady?_ Scotty thought.

_“Actually, stay where you are. I have a plan. Stand by.”_

Scotty shook his head and looked around for a temporary hiding place. _Should have stayed in that bloody bar._

But even as he thought that, Scotty knew where it was he belonged.

\--

Jim marched down the hall towards sickbay to find Harrison, Spock following closely behind.

“Captain, I must object.”

“Of course you must. I haven’t even said what my plan is yet,” Jim said.

“Naturally you cannot beam aboard that ship, which means crossing through open space. You cannot bring more than a small handful of men. You would need someone trained in close combat, with intimate knowledge of that ship. Captain, you know the history of Harrison, and yet you persist.”

Jim shook his head, not stopping. “Well, you know. ‘The enemy of my enemy is my friend.’”

Spock persisted. “An archaic proverb attributed to a prince who was betrayed and decapitated by his own subjects.”

“Ah. Still. It’s a hell of a quote.”

Jim rounded the corner, and Spock reached out and grabbed him by the shoulder, forcing him to turn around.

“Captain, I cannot allow you to do this,” he said forcefully.

“Well, I _don’t know what I’m supposed to do!”_ Jim burst out. He paused before saying, “I only know what I _can_ do. This crew needs someone in that chair that knows what he’s doing. And that’s not me, Spock. It’s you.”

 _You are the Captain,_ Spock wanted to say. _You are **my** Captain, and I will follow you anywhere._

But Spock couldn’t say that to Jim. Not when the feelings were so new, so confused, not when he was still with Nyota, not when the ship was in danger and he didn’t understand any of it.

Not waiting for a reaction, Jim turned back and walked into sickbay and up to the bio bed where Harrison was sitting up straight, calculating.

“Tell me what you know about that ship,” Kirk demanded. Spock stood behind him, already calculating a backup plan to keep Jim alive. He didn’t understand his own feelings at that moment, but he knew that Jim absolutely had to live. His own words echoed unbidden in his mind.

_A captain cannot cheat death._

He argued with himself. _That was before James T. Kirk was a captain. New data has been calculated. Jim can._

Harrison narrowed his eyes. “Dreadnaught class. The first of its kind. Built for combat, and can be manned by a very small crew—one person, if need be.”

Jim squared his shoulders. Spock thought he looked nervous. “I need your help.”

“Of course you do,” the terrorist replied. “But what will you give me in return?”

“I can guarantee the safety of your crew.”

Harrison laughed in Jim’s face. “Captain… you can’t even guarantee the safety of your _own_ crew.”

Jim held his frustration in check and turned away. He noticed Bones messing around with a tribble.

“Bones? What are you doing with that?”

“I’m injecting Harrison’s platelets into a necrotic host. His blood regenerates like nothing I’ve ever seen, and I wanna know why.”

Jim looked back at Harrison, as if to say, _You really want to stay here to be poked and prodded by him?_ Harrison looked back defiantly.

“If you come with me,” Jim finally said, “I will help you free Khan.”

Harrison laughed again, like he knew something Jim didn’t. Spock wanted to intervene. _Khan is even more dangerous than Harrison. Do not make this deal with him, Jim. Please._

“I accept.”

Spock had no choice but to return to the bridge as acting captain, no choice but to push the button and launch Jim and the criminal into a debris field in space.

“ _Mister Scott! Are you in position?”_ Jim asked.

_“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on there, Captain!  This door is very wee! I mean, it’s small! Barely four meters tall! It’s gonna be like jumping out of a moving car, off a bridge, and into your shot glass!”_

“ _It’s okay, I’ve done it before. Yeah, it was vertical, we jumped out to a…”_ There was a long pause before Jim continued. “ _Look, it doesn’t matter, just open it when I give the command_!”

“… _Aye, sir.”_

Sulu and Darwin guided the two through the debris, and Spock watched apprehensively as Jim swerved away from his proper flight path.

“Captain, you are off course,” he said.

He monitored Jim’s frequency. He couldn’t look away, even as Harrison hit something and was blown off the radar.

“Did we lose Harrison?” Spock demanded.

“I’m trying to get him back!” Sulu answered, adjusting the scanners quickly, searching.

“ _Shit. My helmet’s hit! Display is down, I’m flying blind!”_ Jim exclaimed.

“Without a display it is mathematically impossible that you will hit your intended target,” Spock said, feeling the clutches of panic creep up on him.

Suddenly, Harrison burst back onto the screen, alive and on his way to help Jim. His display was still functional and he was able to get Jim back onto the correct path.

“ _Scotty, are you ready to open the door?”_ Jim said.

There was no response.

“Lieutenant, is there a problem with Mister Scott’s communicator?” Spock asked Uhura.

“No, sir, it appears to be working just fine! I don’t know why he isn’t responding!” she exclaimed, flipping switches rapidly and skillfully.

“Mister Scott!” Spock called. “If you can hear me, open the door in ten, nine, eight…”

He counted down, watching in horror as Jim and Harrison approached the ship.

“Seven, six, five, four…”

_Open the door, Mister Scott! Open it, do not let Jim die!_

“Three, two, one!”

With a shout, the cargo doors shot open and Jim and Harrison tumbled safely inside. Spock heard them through the comm channel.

“Captain!” Spock said.

_“We’re fine, Spock. Everything is all right. Radio silence from here on out until I contact you again. Kirk out.”_

Spock released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He had almost lost Jim; these “superior” human beings were dangerous, he thought, and he weighed his options. Spock knew Harrison would betray Jim and Mister Scott. It was in the man’s blood, in the core of his being. And, should Khan be freed, Jim’s fate was even less assured.

Spock needed guidance.

“Lieutetant Uhura,” he said. “Are we near enough to New Vulcan to get a comm signal?”

She checked her screen and keyed in the coordinates. “Yes, sir.”

“I need to make a call.”

He gave her the signal code and waited for a response. It didn’t take long.

“ _Mister Spock,”_ his counterpart said.

“Mister Spock.”

He smirked a little before he straightened. “I am calling to ask you about something important. In your timeline, did you ever encounter a man named John Harrison?”

_“John Harrison? No, I do not believe so.”_

“What about a man named Khan?”

The older Spock’s eyes hardened.

“ _Khan Noonien Singh.”_

“Yes.”

“ _As you know, I decided to never interfere with your destiny. That being said… Khan Noonien Singh is the most dangerous, ruthless person we have ever encountered.”_

“We have not met him. We have met his second-in-command, John Harrison. However, Harrison informed us that Khan is imprisoned on a ship that Jim is currently aboard.”

Ambassador Spock looked nearly panicked. _“We were… able to defeat him… at great cost.”_

“Please explain.”

With no alternative, Ambassador Spock told his young counterpart the terrible truth and Spock felt his heart stop for a moment.

_A captain must experience fear._

_I am afraid. I do not want to die._

_I do not want Jim to die._

Spock thanked his older self and ended the transmission, weighing his options. The most obvious choice presented itself and he turned to Doctor McCoy, who for some unknown reason was still on the bridge.

“Doctor McCoy.”

“Yes?”

“What you did with the torpedo back on the plant… can you duplicate it?”

“Dammit man, I’m a _doctor_ ,” he griped, “not a torpedo specialist!”

“I understand that there are many things you are not,” Spock replied coolly. “But can you do it?”

“…Yeah, I can do it,” the doctor replied.

“Excellent,” Spock said. “We must work very fast if we are going to save this crew.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's stanza is from the poem "O Captain! My Captain!" by Walt Whitman. I'm quite proud of this chapter, so please let me know if it makes you cry.

O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;  
The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;  
The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,  
While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:  
But O heart! heart! heart!  
O the bleeding drops of red,  
Where on the deck my Captain lies,  
Fallen cold and dead.

\--

Carol found herself in the transporter room on the massive black ship.

“Doctor Marcus,” said one of the security guards waiting for her, “please come with us.”

“Doubt I’ve got any choice,” she mumbled, obliging. The room was thankfully pretty close to the bridge. Her father turned to glance at her.

“I’ll deal with you later,” he said simply.

She felt her blood boiling with rage and disgust. How could this man, _her father,_ commit such atrocities and then still behave like she was a little girl who did not understand?

 _I understand perfectly_ , she thought angrily. _You are a despicable being who does not value life._

She slapped him in the face as hard as she could and barked out, _“I am ashamed to be your daughter.”_

He looked hurt for a split second before his face molded back into a neutral distaste.

“Get her out of here,” Marcus said, not even addressing his child. Her guards nodded and marched her off the bridge.

“Where are you taking me?” she demanded.

“The brig,” one of the huge men replied.

 _The brig? I don’t fucking think so_ , she thought. She calculated a few moves in her head and then sprung. Without warning she yanked the phaser from the pocked of the man on her right. She spun around,, dodging a punch, setting the weapon to stun, and then zapped both of them before they even had time to respond. The two crumpled to the ground and she grabbed one of their belts and the second man’s phaser, tucking the two guns into the stolen belt.

“That’s quite enough of you,” she thought, turning her attention to finding a more defensible position.

Carol made her way to a security station just outside the bridge and tucked herself under a vacant security station desk and waited for an opportune moment.

“Sir,” she heard one of her father’s men say, “we have a breach.”

 _“Harrison,_ ” Marcus growled.

Just then, she heard approaching footsteps and pressed herself against the wall under the desk, staying out of sight.

The man who walked unhurriedly up the hall was of Indian descent, with dark skin and darker hair. His features were chiseled and his eyes were terrifying in a way Carol did not want to understand. He was carrying a phaser strangely, but somehow she still knew he knew what he was doing with it.

She heard one of her father’s men shout out, “How did you get out of the brig!?”

“Your prisons cannot hold me,” a dark voice replied, presumably the strange man.

Then the phaser fire began. Carol heard screaming, and none of it belonged to the escaped prisoner.

“You—you killed them!” Marcus exclaimed, terrified.

“I did. Everyone on this ship is dead except for you, me, my second-in-command, and two officers from the Enterprise.”

 _Kirk!_ Carol thought, positive that at least one of them would be Jim.

Just then, the man Carol knew to be John Harrison came down the hall along with Jim and a man Carol didn’t know. They burst into the bridge room.

“Ah. There you are, John. It is gratifying to see you well,” the prisoner said.

“Sir, the pleasure is mine.”

“What is going on here?” demanded Kirk.

“What’s going on,” Marcus said gravely, “is that Khan killed everyone on this ship.”

“Yes,” the mystery man, Khan, said. “It was necessary.”

 _They’re going to kill all of you!_ Carol wanted to scream. _Get out of there!_

She did some calculations in her head and then set both of her phasers to kill. She knew she only had one chance to beat them; they didn’t know she was here. She had the element of surprise on her side and she had one chance to save Kirk and her father and the third Starfleet officer.

She whipped out the phasers, burst into the bridge room, and without hesitating fired two shots into Harrison’s chest. He went down immediately, releasing Jim and the other officer as he clutched at his heart.

Carol shifted, aiming her phasers at Khan, but the man had vanished.

“LOOK OUT!” Jim shouted, too late. Khan was fast, faster than humanly possible, and he had gotten behind her, disarming her easily and drop-kicking her to the ground.

“Very good,” he said sternly. “But not fast enough. You had better hope Harrison is all right.”

She glared up at Khan defiantly. “You murdered all those people!”

He smirked. “I have murdered many more than that, young lady.”

He brought his boot down on her knee hard, breaking her leg. She shrieked, engulfed in a twisting pain, watching in horror as Harrison stood up, stunned the Starfleet officer, and brought his fist hard across Jim’s face, sending him sprawling to the floor.

“Wh-what,” Jim sputtered, coughing up blood, “what do you think you’re going to do now!?”

Khan turned towards him calmly. “I’m going to finish what I began.” He turned suddenly towards Marcus, grabbed his head between two large and powerful hands.

Khan’s  face twisted into something dark and primal and terrifying.

 _“You should have let me **sleep.**_ ”

With a grunt of effort, he crushed Carol’s father’s skull between his hands like it was next to nothing. Carol let out a scream as she watched her father’s murder.

 _The last thing I ever said to my father is ‘I am ashamed to be your daughter’_ she thought miserably, too shocked even to shed a tear for her misguided parent.

Harrison corralled Jim and the now-waking officer over to Carol. He looked pained, and Carol realized that while she hadn’t killed him, he was most certainly injured, apparently quite badly.

Jim tried to stand up, tried to fight, but even when he was badly injured Harrison could easily overpower the captain.

Khan sat down in the captain’s chair and hailed the Enterprise.

“You must be Mister Spock,” Khan greeted the Vulcan.

“ _And you must be Khan Noonien Singh,”_ Spock answered stonily, unflinching. “ _Return our Captain at once.”_

“Hmm… how about a trade, Mister Spock?” Khan asked, pretending to look at his options. “Your crew for mine.”

_“We no longer have transport capabilities.”_

“Fortunately, ours are perfectly functional. Isn’t that right, Harrison?”

Khan looked over at Harrison, who hauled Jim up onto his feet and presented the injured Captain to Spock.

“ _I have no way of knowing whether or not you intend to return my crew members once you have received yours,”_ Spock said.

 _He’s stalling,_ Carol realized.

“Then, let’s examine this _logically,_ shall we, Mister Spock?” Khan sneered. “First, I will kill your captain to show my resolve. And I _will_ kill him. Then, if you continue to refuse, I will kill you and your entire crew.”

Spock did not back down. _“In doing this, you would condemn your own crew to death as well.”_

Khan said, “Your crew required oxygen to live. Mine does not. I will target your life-support systems and when you are all dead inside your ship, I will walk over your cold corpses to reclaim what is _mine.”_

The Vulcan’s lips made a thin line. Carol saw him glance off to the side, nearly imperceptible.

“Now,” Harrison said. “Shall we begin?”

Spock glanced away. “ _Yes.”_

“Are all seventy-one torpedoes still in their cells in engineering? They had better be mine. If they are not, I will know,” Khan said.

_“The torpedoes are yours.”_

“Good. Harrison,” Khan turned to look at his XO. “Go down to the cargo hold, begin waking up our crew.”

“Aye, sir,” Harrison replied, dropping Jim unceremoniously to the floor and walking to the turbolift.

 _“I have fulfilled your terms,”_ Spock said, steely. “ _Now fulfill mine.”_

“Yes, I shall do that,” Khan said. “After all… no ship should go down without her _captain._ ”

He pressed a few buttons and Carol felt the tingly sensation of beaming. She blinked and suddenly she was on the Enterprise behind a glass wall.

\--

“Is the captain onboard?” Spock asked.

“Yes sir,” Uhura replied, relaying the information from a security officer down by the brig. “He’s okay and he’s with Mister Scott and Doctor Marcus. Carol’s leg is broken, they’re on their way to Sickbay. I’m going to meet them there.”

Spock nodded at her and turned his attention to the screen as Nyota hurried to the lift. He allowed himself a sigh of relief; Jim was safe. Mister Scott and Doctor Marcus were safe, and Spock was pleased to hear that too, but _Jim was safe_ and nothing else mattered anywhere near as much. The Vulcan wondered when Jim’s well-being had begun to be so important to him.

“Mister Spock!” Sulu called, breaking Spock away from his thoughts. “They’re aiming weapons at us! Shields are only at 6%!”

“Keep them up as high as possible,” Spock replied, watching the other ship on the screen.

Suddenly a large explosion lit up in a corner of the ship; the torpedoes had detonated. Khan would think his crew was dead, and if there was any logic to the universe, Harrison would have been in the hangar bay with the torpedoes when they exploded.

Spock knew it was highly illogical, but he was sure he could hear Khan’s screams of rage through the vacuum of space.

\--

“Jim!” Bones exclaimed as Jim stumbled in, supporting Carol with Scotty’s help.

“Bones, her leg is broken, you need to take a look,” Jim said.

“Bio bed right over there,” the doctor gestured towards the empty station.  Chapel and Uhura went to take Carol from Jim and Scotty to move her to the bed. Carol winced; her knee was horrifically bruised, and Bones hoped they’d gotten her here in time to repair the torn muscle.

“You missed it,” Bones said to Jim. “I helped Spock wire the torpedoes to explode!”

“You killed all those people…?”

Chapel exclaimed, “Of course not!”

“Hey! Spock’s cold, but he’s not that cold. I’ve got Khan’s crew,” Leonard said, jacking his thumb back towards the rows of cryotubes. “Seventy-one human popsicles, safe and sound in their cryotubes.”

Jim’s face morphed into one of delight and he clapped Bones on the shoulder.

“I’m just glad we’re moving again,” Bones said.

When the ship began to jerk and fall, Leonard reflected on getting exactly what you ask for.

“Shit!” Jim shouted. “What’s going on?”

“We’re too close to Earth’s orbit,” Carol volunteered from the bed, wincing with the effort. “We’re falling!”

“We need to divert emergency power to the stabilizers!” Scotty exclaimed. “We can do it from engineering! Let’s go!”

Jim and Scotty ran out of sickbay as quickly as they’d come in.

“Strap down all the patients! I don’t want any re-injuries here!” Leonard commanded as Chapel and the other nurses rushed to obey. “Any non-essential personnel also gets their seatbelts on, now!” He hurried over to Carol to belt her into place.

“I hope you don’t get seasick,” he said.

“Do you?” she asked.

“Yeah!”

“Well great,” she said. “Remind me not to take you on a cruise if I ever ask you out.”

“We’ll do drinks somewhere nice and stable,” Bones said back, moving over the next patient.

Carol laughed. “Just don’t throw up on me!”

“No promises, sweetheart.”

\--

His ship was falling. The klaxons were blaring at red alert and Sulu was panicked, trying to concentrate. His thoughts went to Pavel in Engineering. He knew that Pavel could take care of himself and was much tougher than he looked, but Hikaru worried anyway for his young boyfriend, who had unfairly been given more responsibility than he was ready for.

 _I know he’s doing an excellent job,_ Hikaru thought, _but this is not fair._

It also wasn’t the time to be thinking about that, Sulu realized, shaking his head and looking at his flashing red monitor.

“As Acting Captain, I order everyone to abandon ship and escape to safety. I will remain and attempt to keep the Enterprise stable,” Spock ordered. No one moved.

Sulu glanced around, looked at Darwin and Jodi and Riley. They all stared back, nodded, and Sulu said, “With all due respect, sir, we’re not going anywhere.”

With that, he pressed a few keys and seatbelted himself into his chair. Darwin and the rest of the bridge crew did the same. Spock kind of smiled with his eyes (well maybe not, but Sulu liked to think Spock was smiling on the _inside._ )

But the warm feeling Sulu has went away quickly. The ship was _falling._ Right out of the sky, the ship that was supposed to take them out to the stars was crashing to the earth, pulled down by the gravity of the place it had departed from.

The ship’s artificial gravity failed, and out in the halls Sulu could hear people shouting as they slipped down the hallways-turned-pitfalls, slamming hard into walls and closed doors.

“The gravity is failing! Hang on!” Spock shouted. “Hang on!”

Sulu felt the seatbelt yank hard across his chest, keeping him from toppling over the console and into the screen.

 _Fuck,_ he thought, trying to override the automatic stabilizers to manually pull the nose of the ship up. _This is so fucked up. It’s not supposed to be like this._

He wanted to cry, to hide, to be somewhere safe holding Pavel and joking about something stupid.

 _Please God let me live,_ Sulu thought. _Let Pavel live and Spock and Uhura and the Captain and Janice and Darwin and everyone on this ship, please, let us live._

_Please let us go home._

_\--_

The ship began to— _capsize? Can a ship capsize in space?_ —and Chekov grabbed a hold of a railing just in time to see several officers go careening down what had become a steep incline.

 _What is going on?_ he wondered, carefully making his way over to a console.

**WARNING: STABILIZATION SYSTEM FAILURE/ENGINE FAILURE/THRUSTER FAILURE/WARP CORE FAILURE**

“ _Yo mayo_!” Pavel shouted. The ship was falling apart! Had the other ship really done so much damage?

_Hikaru, please keep our ship in the sky for a little longer while I try to fix everything._

He took a deep breath. This had all happened while he had been in charge. He should have caught the problem earlier, he should have been able to give more power to the thrusters when Hikaru had needed it, he should have—

“HOLD ON!”

“I—I CAN’T!”

Pavel knew those voices—Mister Scott and the Captain!

The ship began to stabilize momentarily and he sprinted towards their voices, thankful for his years of cross country running. He saw them hanging from a railing, Kirk hanging on with one hand, the other holding onto Mister Scott.

With a shout he bolted over, grabbing the captain’s hand in both of his own, yanking them up to safety with a grunt of effort.

“Keptin Kirk!” he exclaimed, relieved to see the man alive and well.

“Chekov! You’re okay!”

“Yes! I’m so sorry, Keptin, I—“

“Mister Chekov, I think it’s safe to say that none of this was your fault,” Kirk assured him.

“Laddie,” Scotty said. “We need to divert all auxiliary power to the stabilizing thrusters! There’s a switch for it—“

“I know where it is!” Chekov exclaimed. “I vill flip ze svitch!”

He took off running, hoping he’d make it in time.

The ship began to tilt forward beneath him and he slid, screaming in fear as he tumbled down, finally crashing into the station her was trying to get to.

Muttering to himself, he punched in his authorization code and pulled the front of the console off, revealing the power reroute switch.

He grabbed it with both hands and, with a grunt, flipped it up.

Chekov had done all he could; the rest was up to the Captain.

\--

“What the _hell_ is Spock doing?” Bones demanded, bracing himself on an empty bio bed.

Uhura took a deep breath, trying to remain calm. There was nothing she could do up on the bridge, so she’d remained in sickbay doing her best to help McCoy and Chapel treat the injured.

“He’s doing what he can,” Chapel replied, “and that’s what we should be doing too!”

Carol cried out, her now-healing leg giving her pain, and Nyota hurried over.

“Doctor Marcus—Carol. Is there anything I can get you?” Uhura asked, trying to move with the tumbling of the ship.

“Sure,” the other woman exclaimed, “You can get me the hell off this bloody ship!”

The Enterprise lurched again, nearly sending Uhura to the floor.

“When this is over, I’ll buy you a drink, darlin’,” McCoy told Carol, giving her a little more morphine.

“I’m holding you to that!” she said.

All of a sudden, the lights dimmed and then flared up again. The Enterprise had stabilized.

A cheer rang out through the halls, through sickbay and all the way down to the bridge. Christine threw her arms around Uhura excitedly, and Nyota returned the gesture and released her friend to the celebration.

“I’ve got to go!” Uhura shouted, rushing out of sickbay and to the turbo lift. She emerged onto the bridge too see people taking off their seatbelts and hugging each other. Jodi, the tiny platinum blonde engineering liaison, tossed herself into a hug before darting back to her station.

“It’s a miracle!” Sulu exclaimed from his chair.

“There are no such things as miracles,” Spock replied, but Uhura could tell even he looked relieved. She joined in the celebration before she noticed Spock leaning down, listening to a comm from somewhere on the ship.

She saw the minute shift in his face.

Something was terribly, horribly wrong.

Uhura’s heart dropped into her stomach and she felt cold, and she didn’t know why.

Spock stood up and ran off the bridge faster than she’d ever seen him run.

\--

Spock dashed down the halls to engineering where Mister Scott was waiting.

Panting slightly with effort, he looked at Scotty, and the engineer shook his head. He looked… sad. Scared. Stricken.

Spock walked over to the glass door and looked down.

_No. It cannot be. Anybody but him._

“Open it,” Spock ordered, throat dry.

“If we open it, it’ll flood the whole compartment,” Scotty said quietly. “We can’t. The door is _locked.”_

Crumpled on the ground on the other side of the door, on the _wrong_ side of the glass, was Jim. And Jim was dying. Dying like Christopher Pike had been, dying like John Harrison had deserved, dying like the billions of Vulcans on an imploded planet.

Dying like Spock’s mother.

Finally, Spock understood.

All of the other deaths had been tragic, terrible losses. Death was an illogical thing. It was illogical that so much could become so little as quickly as death took it. But James Tiberius Kirk was more. He was bright, golden, shining, Jim was the _sun_ and his death was so much more than all of those others had been.

Inside, Jim lifted up an arm wearily and pressed a button, sealing the door behind him, closing himself entirely in the decontamination chamber.

“How’s our ship?” Jim gasped, looking up at Spock with red-rimmed eyes.

“Out of danger,” Spock said, kneeling down by the door.

“Good.” Jim let out a sigh of relief. “You detonated Khan’s torpedoes. That was a clever move.”

“It was a logical strategy.”

_This conversation cannot be real. Suns cannot stop burning all at once. Jim cannot die._

Jim smiled an odd little half smile at Spock, but his eyes were sad.

“You saved the ship,” Spock told him.

“It’s what you would have done.”

Jim tried to swallow, clearly having a difficult time in doing so. Spock knew, in another life, he _had_ done it, and he wished he had done the same in this one.

With a small, shaking voice, Jim said, “I’m scared, Spock. Help me not be.”

_The point is to experience fear._

_I do not want him to be afraid._

Jim said, “How do you choose not to feel?”

“I do not know,” Spock said quietly, voice breaking. He was breaking, shattering into a million pieces. _How could this be_? “Right now I am failing.”

_Do not leave me. Do not leave me in the dark, Jim. Do not leave me alone without the sun._

Jim wanted to cry, Spock could tell, and in return he absurdly wanted to do so as well. He did not care that he was Vulcan. He did not care that he was Human. He only cared that Jim was the sun and the sun was dying and he could do _nothing_ to stop it.

“I want… you have to know. Why I couldn’t let you die. Why I went back for you.”

Jim was fading. Fading before Spock had a chance to meditate on his feelings, before Spock could realize that Jim was _his_ and he wanted to be Jim’s, before Jim could explore all those strange new worlds that were owed to him.

Now Spock knew but it was too late, and there was no time left, and it was not _fair_ that Jim had to die so he could live.

_A captain cannot cheat death._

_You of all people should know that a captain cannot cheat death._

_But why not? Why not, just this one time, why not? WHY?_

“Because you are my _friend.”_

Then the tears broke from behind Spock’s eyes, spilling down his face and to the ground below. He was crying, and Jim was a star going out to leave thousands of worlds in the hopeless black of space.

There wasn’t enough time. He was his friend. His brother. His love. _T’hy’la._ There was no time to tell him. There was no time seek out new life and new civilizations with his golden, magnificent, beloved Captain.

Hand shaking, Jim pressed his open palm against the glass, seeking comfort as he died trapped in a tiny box, everything that James Kirk should never experience. Jim should be free, be alive, should be shining like a supernova. Spock pressed his hand back, forming the _ta’al_ and crying. Slowly Jim’s fingers shifted, trying to match the gesture.

Jim and Spock finally, _finally_ truly understood each other. Here, at the end of Jim’s life, Spock finally understood what his counterpart had been trying to tell him.

Jim smiled at Spock, and understood that he wasn’t alone in his death. Jim smiled because he knew the people he loved above all else would survive.

_A captain cannot cheat death._

_Why?_

Jim too a breath.

_No._

He exhaled.

_No, no, no, no, do not leave me._

James Tiberius Kirk was the sun.

_Do not go where I cannot follow._

_A captain cannot cheat death._

And Jim was a captain.

_Don’t go._

Jim’s hand fell from the glass, eyes cold, staring forever and never to see the stars he loved so much ever again.

_If Marcus had never awoken Khan, this would never have happened._

_Marcus has died._

_Khan still lives._

Spock let out a terrific roar of fury and grief, so filled with hatred and despair that he could not contain it.

“ ** _KHAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!_** ”

Spock slowly stood up and turned. Scotty and Nyota were watching, crying, holding each other for comfort.

Jaw set and heart hard, Spock ran through Jim’s ship to the bridge. Suddenly he understood the desire for vengeance. It was all he knew in that moment, coursing through his veins, filling his mind with abhorrence and anguish.

_Jim is dead because of that man. If Jim cannot live in this world, then neither will Khan._

Vengeance was not logical. It was human and emotional and unnecessary. Killing Khan would not bring Jim back to Spock. And yet, as always, as it had always been, Jim was the one who made Spock give up Vulcan logic. Every time.

_He is not logical, and neither are you when it comes to him._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's stanza is from "The Old Astronomer" by Sarah Williams. All that's left is the epilogue!

_Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise with perfect light;_

_I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night._

_\--_

Scotty didn’t move as Spock roared Khan’s name and then stalked off, presumably back to the bridge.

He held Uhura close and cried, pressing his cheek against the top of her head.

Jim had been his _friend—_ one of the closest friends he’d ever had. Jim had gotten him off Delta Vega and assigned him the job of a lifetime instead. Jim had given him the Enterprise and the stars.

Uhura was shaking, trying to get herself to stop crying. The glass door let out a beep.

**Decontamination Complete**

Scotty took a deep breath and pulled his communicator from his pocket.

“This is Mister Scott,” he said miserably, still embracing Nyota with his free arm. “Send four security personnel to the warp core entrance in engineering. Have them bring HAZMAT suits, a reinforced body bag, and an extra suit for me. Scotty out.”

When he put his communicator away again, Uhura pulled back, wiping at her eyes.

“I have to get back to the bridge,” she said. “They need me.”

Scotty squeezed her hand and then watched her run off. He waited until the officers arrived, led by Janice Rand.

“Captain Kirk is dead,” he said, doing all he could to maintain his composure. “Radiation poisoning from realigning the warp core.”

The officers all paled, clasping hands over mouths. One of them began to cry.

“We need to get him to sickbay,” Janice said, voice shaking. "Can... can we... can we get him now?"

"Yes," Scotty replied, even as tears started to spill from his eyes once more.  “The decontamination finished but his body is likely still at least somewhat irradiated.”

Rand nodded, the group suited up in silence, and then Scotty went over to the door.

Jim was slumped against it at a strange angle, eyes dull and yellowed and red-rimmed, skin pale and leaden, mouth open partway from his last breath.

_God, why._

He opened the door and Jim’s body shifted to the side; Scotty caught him before his head reached the floor.

“Bring the bag over here,” he said. The officers helped gently maneuver Kirk into the bag. Scotty bit his lip, trying his best not to cry again, and Janice carefully closed Jim’s eyes and mouth before zipping up the bag.

They lifted the bag, carrying it reverently, and marched to Sickbay in silence.

When the lift opened and they walked in, he saw McCoy chatting with Carol Marcus, who was looking much better than she had before.

“Scotty,” Bones greeted him cheerfully. “What’s going on?”

Scotty had to look away. McCoy looked so relieved, so glad that the ship was out of danger, and Scotty would have to give him some of the worst news of his life.

He waved at the crew members and had them set the bag on the nearest empty bed.

Bones’ face fell. “Found a dead crewman, huh,” he said.

Scotty shook his head. “No. I didn’t.”

McCoy squared his jaw, walked over to the bag, and unzipped it.

“… _no_ ,” he whispered. “Good God no, no, no, don’t do this to me, don’t DO THIS, _CHAPEL!_ I NEED A DEFIB AND I NEED AN IV OVER HERE **_NOW_**!”

“Leonard,” Carol said, looking like she might cry as well. “I don’t think…”

“That man is my _BEST FRIEND_. I am a _DOCTOR._ I am going to fix him!”

Carol carefully got off the bed as Christine hooked Jim up to a monitor. Heart function was completely gone. Brain function was all but stopped. The head nurse looked up at McCoy and shook her head.

“I’m sorry,” Christine said.

“Leonard,” Carol said, reaching out to stop him as he flailed, digging vainly through a packet of hyposprays. “He’s gone.”

McCoy let out the most gut-wrenching sob Scotty had ever heard as the doctor sank into a chair and buried his face in his hands, weeping. Carol embraced him, rubbing the back of his head gently as her own eyes filled with tears. Chapel came over to rest a hand on his shoulder, crying quietly.

“No, no, no,” he kept saying, sobbing.

Scotty shook his head.

_This isn’t right at all._

But it was fact. James Tiberius Perfect Hair Kirk, his beloved friend, had died before Scotty had told him he was sorry for leaving.

\--

Sulu sat at his console, grinning from ear to ear. The ship was saved, just in the nick of time, and they watched as the _USS Vengeance_ crashed to the earth below.

Pavel burst onto the bridge and shouted, “HIKARU!”

Hikaru stood up and caught Pavel as he jumped into his arms, laughing.

“We did eet!” Pavel exclaimed. “We showed zhose bastards who eez boss!”

Hikaru laughed and leaned down to kiss his boyfriend, hugging him tightly. Darwin was an excellent navigator, but god had he missed Chekov by his side.

Then Spock burst onto the bridge and Sulu felt the very air shift. Something was off.

“Check the enemy ship for signs of life!” Spock ordered. He sounded angry. Emotional. Violent, even.

“Sir,” Sulu said, starting to scan the other ship, “no one could have survived that crash.”

“ _He_ could _._ ”

Uhura ran onto the bridge, andSulu let out a deep sigh as Chekov took his place beside him. He zoomed the sensors in on the crashed ship; lo and behold, a man with dark skin and dark hair was cradling the body of John Harrison. The man snarled, and then leaped onto the building he’d crashed into.

“Whoa! He just jumped ten meters!” Sulu exclaimed. “Who is that?”

“Khan Noonien Singh,” Spock growled. “Can you beam him up?”

“No, sir,” Chekov replied. “Our beaming was damaged in ze fight. We cannot beam a mowing target.”

Spock looked at the screen angrily and then turned to Chekov.

“Can you beam someone down?”

“A-aye, sir.”

Spock looked over at Nyota, eyes hard.

She nodded at him. “Go get him,” she said.

“Have someone standing by in the transport room,” Spock said, storming out of the bridge as Uhura made her way over to Hikaru.

“What’s happening?” Sulu asked her.

She looked at him, eyes red and sad.

“The Captain is dead,” she told him softly.

It was only his sense of duty that kept him in his seat.

\--

Khan cradled Harrison’s body after pulling it from the wreckage of the hangar bay.

His whole crew, dead. Seventy-two superior men and women, lost in an explosion he should have predicted.

“You would have survived this,” Khan said to Harrison, “if that woman had not weakened you.”

He allowed himself a moment to mourn for his lost crew, for his dead XO, and then he left the body behind as he jumped safely into the wreckage of downtown San Francisco.

\--

Bones sat at his desk, silent, head in his hands, as the medical bay crew and injured sickbay patients looked at Jim’s body. Carol sat on her bed, and Chapel worked through her sadness, tending to the heavily wounded.

 _Why did it have to be Jim?_ He wondered. _What kind of universe is this, that James Kirk has to die?_

Leonard heard a strange purr just then. He whipped his head up.

The tribble was cooing. The tribble that he’d injected with Harrison’s blood, the tribble that had been dead was _breathing._

He jumped up as the tricorder beeped, signaling the little creature’s life sign.

“Nurse!” he shouted. “Get me one of those cryotubes! Keep whoever’s in it unconscious, but get the captain in one of those tubes to preserve brain function!”

“Len?” Carol asked, not comprehending what was happening.

“I can save him,” he said. “I can _save_ him! Someone comm Spock! Tell him I need Khan alive!”

Christine hurried to the comm station and relayed the request.

“How much of Harrison’s blood is left?” Carol said.

“None,” Bones replied. “So I need Khan’s.”

Chapel exclaimed, “They said they can’t get a hold of Commander Spock, but they’ve sent Lieutenant Uhura down!”

“I don’t really care who’s down there. I need that blood!” Bones shouted, yanking his uniform shirt over his head and pulling on some clean scrubs. He had a job to do.

\--

Spock beamed down into the heart of San Francisco, phaser set to kill. As soon as he materialized, he looked around to see Khan’s form retreating through a crowd.

 _You will NOT get away with Jim’s life!_ he thought fiercely, bolting after the man with the thirst for vengeance on his tongue.

Khan was fast, of course, but Spock was too, and soon Khan noticed his pursuer.

With a feral snarl, Khan raced into a building, hurling himself through a pane of glass. The Vulcan gave chase, doing his best not to crash into any civilians.

When Khan reached the edge of a building, he looked over to see a hovertruck floating obliviously past, and he jumped, farther than any human could, grabbing into the truck and hoisting himself up. Spock did not hesitate to follow.

_I will kill you myself._

_You took my T’hy’la away from me before I could even teach him what that word means._

_You have killed Jim Kirk, and I will bring you to justice._

He pulled himself onto the top of the truck and Khan grabbed him, yanking him up and flinging him down.  With a grunt, Spock kicked out, unsteadying the man and then punching him in the face.

Jim hadn’t been able to hurt Harrison, because of the man’s superior strength, but Spock was Vulcan. Vulcans were stronger than humans.

Their battle was vicious and primal. Spock’s phaser fell away, but he didn’t need it anymore; he would fight with his fists. Khan gripped Spock’s head, crushing, and Spock struggled to match to Khan’s meld points.

He saw such unfathomable rage.

_You killed them you killed them all my friends my family is there anything you would not do John Harrison second in command SS Botany Bay what is the date why have you brought me here you should have let me sleep your world is not safe your homes will be my battleground I will purge the unworthy your world is MINE._

With a tremendous gasp, Khan threw Spock down and leapt off the truck, onto another that was moving below.

Spock judged the jumping distance.

 _For Jim, I can do this,_ he thought. _For him I can do anything._

Spock jumped, grabbing on to the hovertruck below. He yanked himself up and went after Khan again, kicking, punching, dodging, again and again in a useless, violent struggle.

Khan managed to strike Spock down, but then Spock saw Uhura beam down behind Khan. She aimed her phaser at the terrorist and shot him, again and again until he was weakened.  It was Nyota that truly saved the day, he thought wildly, because it was always her and the day always needed to be saved and she was the only one with the courage to do it.

Spock launched a brutal assault on Khan, punching and punching.

_Give him back to me! Return to me what is lost!_

He kept going, fueled by grief and rage, until Nyota intervened.

“Spock!” she yelled. “Stop! Don’t kill him!”

_Why shouldn’t I? He attacked our ship. He meant to kill all of us. He is the reason Jim is dead._

“It’s the only way we can save Kirk!”

_…Save him?_

Spock knew Nyota would never lie to him, so he changed his attack pattern.

Khan reached for him. Spock remembered John Harrison’s taunt.

_‘You can’t even break a rule. How can you be expected to break **bone**?’_

Spock easily shattered the bones in Khan’s forearm. Khan let out a cry of pain, and Spock pulled a metal piece from the top of the truck, striking Khan on the head with it. Khan crumpled quickly, and Spock fell to his knees, gasping for breath, the adrenaline wearing off.

“What do you mean, Nyota? Jim… Jim is dead,” Spock said.

“Do you remember when McCoy injected Harrison’s blood into that dead tribble?”

Spock nodded.

“It isn’t dead anymore,” she replied.

Spock hoisted Khan up in a fireman’s carry.

“Three to beam up,” Uhura said into her communicator.

They beamed back up to the Enterprise to find McCoy, Chapel, and Scotty waiting in the teleport room, the doctor and nurse in scrubs with a hover gurney and a hypo full of extremely potent anesthesia.

“This stuff’s enough to knock out a herd of elephants for a damn week,” he said as they put Khan on the gurney. McCoy injected him with it, and they rushed to sickbay. Most of the bridge crew was there, crowded around Jim’s body in perfect silence.

“Out of the way!”  Bones called out. “This is a hospital, not a circus!”

The crowd moved back, making room for Bones and his nurses to put Khan’s bed next to Jim’s.

_I don’t believe in no-win scenarios._

Spock suddenly remembered Jim saying as much in an academic trial a lifetime ago. Khan would not get a trial. If Spock had had it his way, in that moment, he would have drained every drop of blood from the man’s body for Jim, and then done away with all the rest. It was an illogical, violent desire that he had no energy left to dissipate.

Nyota stood with him. She said nothing, but Spock knew she knew how he felt. Spock loved her and she loved him, but their romantic relationship wasn’t what either of them needed anymore. They loved each other, Spock thought, but there were others who had been put into the universe to love them more, to love them better. His romantic love had shifted to familial love, as had hers.

 _And that is good_ , he thought. _That is illogical, but it is good._

He did not know who was meant for Nyota, who was brilliant and fearless and kind. Spock knew she would always be an important person in his life, but he also knew she wasn’t for him, in the end.

She looked at him and smiled softly.

“It’s okay,” she said. “This just is the way things are supposed to be.”

She squeezed his hand, and he let his affection flow through the connection.

_Thank you for understanding and for being my friend. You will always be an important part of my life._

She smiled. _I know I will. Someone has to keep you two out of trouble._

Uhura let go of his hand, and Spock saw her take Mister Scott’s hand instead. He decided that it was a logical pairing, and that they were equally deserving of each other.

He watched, exhausted, as Doctor McCoy worked tirelessly on a serum with the superhuman terrorist’s blood and his own force of will. Eventually he ordered the crew to return to their posts and had Sulu take the conn for the rest of the journey back to the space dock.

Spock and Nyota were the only ones in sickbay besides the nurses, doctors, injured patients, and McCoy.

“Finished.”

McCoy’s voice was the first Spock had heard in an hour. With the steadiest hands on the ship, the doctor prepared the serum and hooked it up to Jim’s IV. They watched as the bag slowly emptied into Jim’s blood stream.

Everyone held their breath.

Spock looked at the health monitor, which up until then had shown zero heart function and very minimal brain function.

He looked at Jim unblinkingly.

 _Please,_ he thought, not knowing even who he was asking, _please give him back. I need him. We all need him. He is our Captain. And he is my friend. Brother. Lover. T’hy’la. Give him back to me._

_A captain cannot cheat death._

_Let me be wrong._

The heart monitor made a beep. Just one short, tiny beep, but that was it. A heartbeat. And then another, and another, and then Chapel let out a shout of joy and threw herself at McCoy, who started to cry. Uhura let out a shriek of laughter, and she and Scotty embraced, both teary-eyed. McCoy pulled away from Chapel to hug Doctor Marcus, and Chapel gestured to a few nurses to get Jim out of the cryotube and into a warm and proper bed.

 _Thank you,_ Spock thought. _Thank you._

\--

The Enterprise docked successfully under Sulu’s watchful eye, and the crew was given leave for an indeterminate amount of time until the badly damaged ship could be repaired.

When they docked, all senior officers went to give their statements to Starfleet, but McCoy took a medical transport with Jim straight to Starfleet Medical. He got his captain a private room for the three-week-long medically induced coma he was keeping him in.

Jim’s cells were heavily irradiated. By all rights, he should have been dead, but Khan’s blood was flowing through his veins, repairing the damage bit by bit.

Bones waited to wake Jim up because his body needed the time to heal, and the stress of consciousness would have been too much. As it was, Bones knew Jim would need several months of physical therapy and most likely regular therapy as well.

But Jim continued to improve every day for three weeks. That wasn’t surprising; he was James Tiberius Kirk, after all, Bones thought, irritated.

After the first few days, when Leonard was sure they were out of the woods, he began to allow Jim visitors. Carol came to visit first, to see Jim, but mostly to see Bones.

“How about that drink you promised me?” she said.

Bones laughed. “I’d love to, darlin’,” he said, “but I can’t afford to be intoxicated in case something happens to Jim.”

His ex-wife had never understood his dedication to his patients. But Carol had just smiled, left, and returned half an hour later with two cups of coffee.

“These drinks will have to do for now, then,” she told him, handing him a cup.

He grinned at her and accepted, and they had their first date in a private ICU hospital room at Starfleet Medical.

The second visitor was Spock, and Spock arrived every day precisely at 9 AM and stayed until whenever Bones kicked him out many hours later.

“How logical is it to come see someone who will be asleep for two and a half more weeks?” Leonard asked.

Spock looked away, looked at Jim’s peaceful, sleeping face, and said, “It is not logical. If you would prefer me to leave…”

Bones let out a sharp laugh, realizing. “Well, I’ll be damned,” he said.

Sulu and Chekov came a few times, occasionally individually and usually together. They were staying at Sulu’s family house in the suburbs of San Francisco for the time being. Sulu brought Jim a few potted plants, which McCoy had to admit did light up the room. Chekov read Jim stories in Russian, which even conscious Jim wouldn’t understand, but the 18-year-old was so sweet that no one had the heart to stop him. Even Spock sat quietly when Pavel read.

Uhura came with Spock once or twice, and McCoy could see that she and Spock had reached an understanding, for which he was glad. She held Jim’s hand, soothed by the thrum of the captain’s strong pulse.

Scotty only came to visit one time, because he was facilitating the repairs on the Enterprise, but he made a point to come tell Jim how his ship was progressing.

“ _Make sure ya read him my weekly repair update!_ ” he commed in.

“I’m not reading him your report, he’s unconscious,” Leonard grouched, hanging up on Scotty.

(If anyone caught McCoy reading the report to Jim, no one said a damn word about it.)

Other crew members still in the area came to visit as well, thanking Jim for saving their lives and wishing him a successful recovery.

The heart monitor beeped on steadily, until Leonard was sure he had Jim’s heartbeat memorized.

He decided that, besides his daughter’s soft laughter, the sound of Jim’s heart was the greatest comfort to him.

\--

_In the twelve minutes he was captain, he saved 800 lives. I dare you to do better._

Jim woke up with a gasp, blue eyes wide and sensitive from the darkness he’d been in for three weeks.

“Wha—“ he tried to speak.

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Bones said, at his side in his medical uniform. “You were barely dead.”

_I was dead?_

“I used a serum of Khan’s blood to revive you. Are you feeling… homicidal, power-hungry, maybe like starting another Eugenics War to wipe out all inferior forms of sentient life?”

Jim laughed hoarsely. “No more than usual,” he said. “How’d you catch him?”

“ _I_ didn’t.”

Bones gestured to the far corner of the room and helped Jim sit up to see Spock standing there in his dress uniform. Jim swore blind that Spock looked happy to see him.

“You saved my life,” Jim said.

“Uhura and I had something to do with it too, you know,” Bones piped up as he looked over a chart.

Jim glanced over at him briefly before letting his eyes go back to Spock. Spock was standing straight, but he looked more… open, maybe.

“Thank you, Spock,” Jim said.

Spock replied, “You are welcome, Jim.”

Bones shook his head and made some excuse to leave the room, shuffling out of there pretty quickly.

“The doctor has informed me that you will require several weeks of physical therapy,” Spock said, “but I am greatly relieved that you will make a full recovery.”

“Relieved?” Jim smiled. “Isn’t that a little… emotional?”

Spock sat down on the chair next to the bed and looked at Jim passively. And all at once, Jim realized what it was he’d been feeling all this time.

He was in love with Spock.

Head-over-heels over-the-moon in love.

And for a moment Jim was absolutely terrified, because he’d never been in love before, or even a real relationship, and he didn’t know _how_ and he didn’t know if Spock was interested or even available and there was so much going on and he was still being sewn back together…

“I have found that around you, Jim, I often feel more than I am accustomed.”

Hesitantly, Jim moved his hand, muscles aching from three weeks of no use. Spock met him halfway and pressed his open palm against Jim’s.

The flood of emotion from the simple touch was overwhelming, an ocean full of love and respect and adoration and desire and _we have so much time to figure everything out together._

There was no glass in the way anymore.


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The epilogue's stanza is from "Hymn To The North Star" by William Cullen Bryant.
> 
> Guess that's it! I'll work towards continuing to improve. Thanks for reading! :)

_On thy unaltering blaze_  
The half-wrecked mariner, his compass lost,  
Fixes his steady gaze,  
And steers, undoubting, to the friendly coast;  
And they who stray in perilous wastes, by night,  
Are glad when thou dost shine to guide their footsteps right.

 _And, therefore, bards of old,_  
Sages, and hermits of the solemn wood,  
Did in thy beams behold  
A beauteous type of that unchanging good,  
That bright eternal beacon, by whose ray  
The voyager of time should shape his heedful way.

\--

_1 Year Later_

“Keptin on ze bridge!”

Jim walked out of the turbolift and over to his chair, where Sulu was sitting. As soon as he saw the Captain, he got up.

“Hard to get out of the chair, huh?” Jim said, smiling.

“Captain _does_ sound pretty good,” Sulu replied, taking his seat beside his boyfriend.

Jim nodded at Chekov, who looked happy and ready to go, as did most of his smiling bridge crew. He pressed the comm on his chair.

“Scotty!” he said. “We ready to go?”

“ _Warp core is purring like a kitten, Captain! She’s ready for a long journey.”_

Bones was standing near the navigation seat, arms crossed. Jim knew the doctor was secretly very excited to be going off into the final frontier.  He jumped down and clapped Bones on both shoulders.

“Buckle up!”

The doctor grimaced.

“Aw, c’mon, Bones! It’s gonna be _fun_!”

“Five years in space,” McCoy grouched. “Good God.”

Jim laughed and continued his rounds, stopping at the science station, where Carol was checking the sensors before takeoff.

“Doctor Marcus!” Jim called out. “Glad you could join the family.”

“Thank you,” she replied. “It’s… nice to have a family.”

For a moment, Jim felt guilty, but he knew she was happy now with Bones and all the rest of the crew around, so he gave her a smile and moved on to Uhura.

“Captain,” she said, gracing him with her beautiful smile. “Good to see you doing so well!”

“You, too,” he said. “I heard you and Scotty are having a romantic dinner tonight; just make sure to have him home by eleven.”

She rolled her eyes. “Midnight is my final offer.”

“Midnight?” he asked.  “Oh, all right. Sold!”

With a laugh, Uhura turned back to her station, and Jim went back to where Spock was standing, arms clasped behind his back.

He reached out a hand and brushed his fingers across Spock’s in a quick Vulcan kiss as he passed behind him.

“So,” Jim said, smiling at his XO. “Where should we go first?”

The Vulcan looked at Jim fondly. “As a journey of this length has never been attempted… I defer to your expert judgment.”

Spock smiled ever so slightly at Jim, who beamed back at him.

The year of recovery had been hard, for both Jim and the Enterprise. There had been grueling weeks of physical therapy, severe hull damage, horrible nightmares, programming issues, and both the starship and her captain had needed the support and love of those who cared for them.

Spock had insisted Jim move out of his Starfleet housing and in with him in his rental, so that while Jim went through physical therapy and dealt with his traumatic night terrors he would always have someone with him to help.

They still fought sometimes, of course. Sometimes  the fact that they loved each other made the fighting even harder. But Jim had found somewhere that was safe, secure, warm, and provided him with all of the love he’d ever need. The year of recovery had been tough, but he was back on his beloved ship with his beloved crew and his beloved Vulcan first officer,and he was ready to explore the final frontier.

“All right, then,” Jim declared. “Let’s take her out.”

Sulu disengaged the external inertial dampeners, and the Enterprise left the space dock at Warp 4.

\--

After Alpha shift ended, Spock and Jim went back to Jim’s quarters for dinner and a chess match or two.

“Five years in space,” Jim said, his face shining bright and joyously. “Five years among the stars. Can you imagine?”

Spock inclined his head. “I will not have to imagine them, Jim. We will be there together.”

Jim’s smile softened, and he reached across the table for his partner’s hand. Spock allowed his emotions to flow through the touch—warmth, love, compassion, contentment. From Jim he felt that unquenchable brilliance, that burning passion, that deep capacity for love and intimacy.

Then the touch wasn’t enough, he needed more, and he took Jim’s hands in his.

“I would… request something of you,” he said hesitantly.

“Anything,” Jim replied. From anyone else, ‘anything’ was illogical but from Jim it seemed somehow undeniable.

“I wish to meld with you,” Spock said. “I am aware that you melded with my older counterpart once, but—“

“Yes,” Jim interrupted simply. Spock nodded, gratified, and moved around the table to sit at Jim’s side. He reached for his love’s face, matching his fingers with psi points easily.

“My mind to your mind,” he said. “My thoughts to your thoughts.”

Melding with Jim was overwhelming in the best possible way; it was burning hot like the deserts of Vulcan, and gentle and sweet like the moonlight of Earth. Waves of powerful feelings washed over him, leaving him dry but not untouched.

Everything he saw was bright like Jim’s smile, golden like his hair, his skin, undeniable, and absolutely wonderful.

 _Your mind is unlike any I have ever experienced,_ Spock told him.

 _This is amazing,_ Jim hummed through the meld. _You are amazing, Spock._

Spock shivered with pleasure, gently gliding through Jim’s dynamic mind, reveling in the warmth and the comfort of his _t’hy’la_.

 _What is that word?_ Jim asked. _What is “t’hy’la”?_

Spock told him _an old Vulcan word, ashayam._

_What does it mean?_

_The closest approximation is friend, brother, and lover, all at once. We were destined to be t’hy’la._

Finally Spock pulled away, leaving Jim staring at him with those impossibly blue eyes and that glorious smile.

“ _T’hy’la_ ,” Jim said, trying it out on his tongue. “Friend, brother, lover. Right?”

“That is correct, Jim.”

Jim grinned again, eyes shining. “So then, you mean like soulmates?”

“Technically, yes,” Spock said. “Approximately, I suppose.”

Jim’s smile was brilliant, worth seeing after everything they’d gone through to be here. The young captain took Spock’s hands in his and led him to the bed, unwilling to let go even as they adjusted to lie down together, holding each other.

Spock thought back to all of the misunderstandings, the dislike, the illogical violence, the teasing, and the hurt, and he thought all of it had been worth it for that exact moment, Jim wrapped up safe and sound in his arms, healthy and alive and _his_. When he thought back on those things, he had to pull Jim closer, satisfying his illogical need to discern Jim’s wellbeing.

Well, technically Jim had died. It was perfectly logical to worry after the well-being of someone who had been medically deceased for four and a half hours.

“Soulmates,” Jim breathed, reaching up to cup Spock’s cheek in his hand. “I’ve… I’ve never stuck with just one person for so long, you know. And no one’s ever stuck with me except Bones. And Bones isn’t…”

“ _Ashayam,”_ Spock said softly. “I will not leave you. And I will never give you a reason to leave me. We will be together.”

“You can guarantee that?”

“Jim. Wherever we may go in this universe, be satisfied in knowing that I will only ever have one _t’hy’la._ For me, there will only ever be you. It is my fervent desire that you feel the same way.”

Jim smiled at Spock. Jim was the sun. Jim was life and light—a guiding star.

“I love you, Spock,” he said honestly.

“As I love you, Jim.”

Jim was satisfied, and Spock embraced him.


End file.
